Fanfiction Cliches (and Where to Find Them)

Cliche #5 - Monthlies

Cliche:
Girls in fanfiction are so perfect that they don't even need to menstruate.

Example:
"Ugh! I'm in such a bad mood today!" I said, storming into the kitchen.

''Uh oh," said my painfully clueless mother. "Is it that time of the month, sweetie?''

"NO! I'M A MAIN CHARACTER! I DON'T DO FILTHY THINGS LIKE MONTHLY BLEEDS OUT OF MY HOO-HA! GOD, YOU'RE SO INSUFFERABLE, WOMAN!"

Why it's a cliche:
It's a fact of life, guys. Girls bleed every month and there's nothing we can really do about it. We can't pretend it doesn't exist, even in worlds of fancy.

Again, if you want to make characters seem more human and relatable, give them some PMS cramps or something!

In My Own Words:
I'm no stranger to writing about periods. It's actually a hell of a lot of fun!

* * * *

Paul glared like he had just caught me doing something disgusting in public. "No, Ringo, I can't go any faster than this. And do you want to know why?"

I really didn't want to know, but I had a feeling I was going to be told regardless.

"There is blood currently POURING OUT OF ME!" Paul cried, leaning in so he was practically nose to nose with me. "It feels like I'm being fucking STABBED, and I'm an emotional mess right now! I hate you and I love you at the same time! I feel like eating an entire chocolate cake, just like George does every Sunday after lunch!"

This is an excerpt from McGirly, and yes: I made Paul McCartney experience a period in this hot mess of a fic. For some reason, it's always more enjoyable to let a man experience something women have to suffer through every month. I wish it was a real thing: maybe twice a year, men experience periods in their absolute WORST state?

* * * *

George suddenly leaned in close and whispered in Serenity's ear.

"Is it red week?"

"What?" 

"You know, red week." George raised his eyebrows, trying to explain what he meant without actually saying so. Serenity rolled her eyes emphatically. 

"No, Dad, it's not red week."

"Oh, good!" George said, sounding relieved. "I forgot to stock up on comfort food and pa - um, you know... lady things."

Reason #507 why George Harrison is a brilliant father. I like to think that if he'd had a daughter, he always give her exactly what she needed and more during her "red week". He certainly does in Golden Lockets!

* * * *

"Indeed. Oh, and I also worry about how I'm fifteen and I haven't got my period yet."

"Really?" Serenity said, her eyes widening. "You haven't had a period yet?"

I shook my head. "Nope. That's just another reason why I envy your life. You're safer, happier, and you're more of a woman than I'll ever be."

Consider yourself pretty flipping lucky, Georgia. I got my first period when I was eleven and it scared the heck out of me. It's messy, smelly, and hurts like damnation.

It's especially awful when you wake up in the morning and see that your lovely clean bed has turned into a den of total and utter carnage.

Why do girls have to put up with such an inconvenience every single month?

Probably to prove how hardcore we are. Bleeding for five to seven days non-stop EACH MONTH without dying? How boss is that??

Fellow girls, I respect and admire you all for being so strong and badass. :)