Day by Day ~ A Westallen Fic

3- Barry ⚡️

I woke up in a cold, dark room. This definitely was not my bed.
I glanced around, trying to allow my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but everything was pitch black.

Where am I? I thought, as I stood up.
I needed to get out of here.

"Funny, I didn't think that you'd break so easily." The voice came from behind me, and I whipped around to face the person.

"Who are you?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Here's a hint, time doesn't stop for me, I'm here one minute," The voice that had come from behind me was now right in front of my face. "And gone the next. Take a guess Barry, because you're stuck with me for a while."

I knew exactly who it was, and I knew Iris had killed him. Because if she hadn't, I wouldn't be me.

"Savitar- you're dead." I managed to whisper. Did this mean I'd have to relive Iris dying again, and again, and again?

"Well, as you can tell, I'm not dead. Not exactly, see when Iris killed me, I died, but I can still live here. Because I'm inside of your head, I'm a part of you- somewhere deep down you know that's true, Barry." His voice was merely a whisper, but it sent chills down my spine.

Alongside Savitar, old enemies such as Thawne, Zoom, and more showed themselves.

I wasn't sure why I was here, in this room, or why there had been a sudden shift in the speed force's behavior towards me, but I had a feeling it would only get worse from here on out.

-

Every second became an agonizingly painful turmoil. I'd wake up, relive the worst memories I've ever had, every time I tried to save the people closest to me, and every time I failed. I fell asleep shaking, crying, and alone.

The speed force seemed to rather enjoy my pain, as every day passed, a new memory was added. First was my mother's death- from when I was 11.
Second was Thawne speeding back in time and killing her as she died in my arms. Third, was Eddie dying and the speed force telling me it was my fault repeatedly for hours on end.
Fourth was my father dying at the hands of Zoom, I still wasn't fast enough to save him.
Fifth was Caitlin and Cisco blaming me for Ronnie and Dante's deaths.
The last memory was the worst of all, Iris was helpless at the hands of Savitar, but this time instead of H.R. it was Iris. I tried every time to get to her, but it always passed in slow motion. I could try all I wanted to reach her, but I never managed to get to her in time. I screamed until my throat was raw, some days I had no voice, and yet I still yelled in anguish.

This went on for as long as I could remember, day after day, to the point I refused to sleep.

I couldn't close my eyes without words screeching in my ear. Images seared into my eyelids, and I couldn't sleep from the nightmares.
I've never truly been over my fear of the dark, more specifically my fear of being alone in the dark. And now, the dark was just the icing on the cake of my own personal hell.
-

The speed force showed up eventually, as Joe.
I had been told that I had been in that room for about two months. Two months of torture, and now the speed force wanted my help again?
I didn't understand the logic behind that.
-

"What, you couldn't have let me out any sooner?" I had snapped from where I was sitting in the corner.

"Barr," the speed force said, "we had no other choice. We had to,"

"Had to what? Trap me in my own personal hell for who knows how long? Torture me, day after day with the memories I've beat myself up over? Send me into a state where I can't trust anyone if I tried- where I'm on the verge of breaking any damn moment? Is that what you wanted? For me to loathe everything that's happened in my life? Because that's what happened. Congratulations, you did it." I spat, recoiling into myself and glaring at the speed force.

"Barry, now is not the time-," the speed force started.

"Not the time for what? Not the time for me to be acting like this? You aren't Joe, you aren't my mother, you're not my father, and you're not my family. Maybe you're the manifestation of my powers, but for some reason, you seem to get more evil every time I'm stuck here." I wasn't in the mood to blindly follow the speed force, and I had honestly lost all hope at this point.

The speed force stood up straighter, "Would you listen to us! Barry, you need to help us fix the energy force so that you can leave. We know you don't want to be here, but you have to stay until the force is even again."

I scoffed, "I'd rather stay in this hell hole, thanks. It'd be better than working with you, that's for sure."

"What happened to you?" It wasn't the speed force that spoke this time, I could tell that much. It was Iris- she managed to get a vibe link here!

"Iris-," I whispered, my voice hardly coming out from the days I'd screamed and cried from not being able to escape my worst memories.

"Barry?" She whispered, I knew she was hoping that what she heard wasn't her imagination.

"It's me. I'm okay, sort of." I said, knowing that the connection could fade any moment.

"Are you sure you're okay? We're going to get you home, don't worry. The connection is fading out . . . I . . ." Iris' sentence was cut short by the speed force. It had put some sort of block on vibing here.

"As we were saying, it's either you work with us, or you're stuck here for another month." The speed force said, offering me a hand.

"Honestly? I'll decline, it's easier to suffer through the pain than it is to work with the thing that put me here." I said, folding my arms.

"Alright. Oh, and Barry, you won't get your powers back until you accept our offer."
Just like that, I felt all of the energy drain from my body. I was even more helpless now when the speed force sent other speedsters in to persuade me to change my mind.

-

The speed force's idea of persuasion was sending other speedsters to "keep an eye" on me. However, the other speedsters- the evil ones that were trapped here that is, called it payback.

I'd gotten used to being able to partially fight back, even with how weak I felt. At least in previous weeks, I'd had my powers. Now that they were taken from me, I couldn't fight back, and I didn't heal as quickly as I should have.

I felt a punch to my stomach, and knew that there would be a bruise come morning. Blood seeped from a gash in my forehead down into my eyes. I had to wipe it away to keep from infecting my eye.

"Is this really what you wanted, Zoom?" I asked, wiping the blood from my busted lip.
"What, killing my father in front of me wasn't enough? Was it Zoom? Or should I call you Hunter?"

In the dim light, I could tell from Zoom's position that I had hit a nerve. Just what I had intended to do.

He had snapped, I used his real name. That's the one thing that gets people to break, using their past against them.

"I could kill you right now," he growled, menacingly inching closer to me.

"You won't. You know why? Because you can tell that I've lost my fight, I don't really care what happens anymore. I'm depressed, and why wouldn't I be? I get to face you assholes every other day, and I haven't seen actual sunlight in months. It's easy to give up, but it's harder to find a will to live."

"I've said it before, you and I we aren't so different." Zoom walked closer to me, then pinned me up against the wall.

His hand was braced on my neck, crushing my esophagus.
"But I know you, maybe not as well as you know yourself, but I know that you never give in. You're too much of a hero for that, Flash."

In seconds, his hand connected with my face. I could feel multiple punches all at once, and I was surprised I wasn't dead yet.
That amount of force should have cracked my skull, but it hadn't.

Zoom held me in midair before dropping me to the ground. My chest heaved as I struggled to breathe. I felt a warm gush of blood flow from my now broken nose.

"I'll see you later, Flash." Zoom raced out of the room, leaving me alone once again.