What Love Really Was

Good & Bad

Dearra POV

I can't seem to understand why somethings i cant put together. like something could be done to me and i wont realize until it's pointed out. Today I went over Lalas house to have king play around with her dog and also to just chill. I was laying on a pillow that was placed on Lalas lap while she stroked my baby hairs back with her fingers. I was watching Dancing dolls while she was on her phone, King was on the Carpet playing with Lalas puppy "Gem".

Lala- Yo why Till keep subbing you? Yah had an argument?

Me- What? I thought she wasn't talking about someone else.

I opened my phone to look on Facebook to see the subs Lala were referring to. Till which is short for Tillina, is Zahj's girlfriend. Who I expect respect from due to the fact of my son has to be around her and I'd be damned if she disrespect me & Zahj think my son is going to hang around him with her. So I go on her page to see posts that heated meeeeee. 

Post-

"This bitch is honestly a bad influence for her kid...who sleeps with someone who's married @Dearra you are a nasty hoe and your an unmotherly figure"

Wtf can she possibly talking about? Is her page hacked? Or would she love to get smacked? TBH this shit made my head hurt because i was so mad from every thought that entered my mind...so I asked Lala if she could watch King while I take a trip to Zahj's place. I don't take sneak dissing lightly, not from nobody.

15 minutes later -At Zahj Place- 

I rung the doorbell & since I felt he was taking to long to come to the door I started to knock as if I was the police coming to get him for a warrant that's been placed on him. I heard the door locks turn and I saw the handle turn. I stood at his door with my arms crossed, eyebrows raised, and my right leg shaking along with my body. He opened the door & stared at me blankly because he was confused why I was at his house without King. 

Zahj- Wassup Dee?

Me- Wasssup? Do you see the shit your girlfriend is putting on my page.

Zahj- No, I was sleep I got off work three hours ago.

Me- Well look *shows him the screen shot of Till post* 

Zahj- Man I honestly can't tell you what happened or what she know that she'd put that up Dee.

Me- Well when you figure that out and when you don't have around, that's when my baby will be over here. I told you as long as that bitch respect me and this co-parenting thing we have going on, I'd let my son around her but since this what she does to try and fuck MY image up my son will be with me on the days she's around you.

Zahj- Let me call her just.

Me- Put it on speaker too.

Zahj puts her on the phone and asks her the most simplest question "Why are you talking like that about my baby mother?" After he asked her that she instantly starts yelling and talking about how she knows I'm still messing with Zahj (which I am not). Then it surprised me how he starts yelling back instead of trying to hear her out.

Zahj- TILL THAT DON'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT MY BABY MOTHER! I DON'T MESS WITH HER FUCK I GOTTA DO THAT FOR IF I GOT YOU, YOU ALWAYS OUT NOT ME! MY KID HAS TO COME AROUND ME AND I CAN'T BE WITH YOU IF YOU DON'T RESPECT HIS MOTHER BECAUSE SHE WONT LET ME SEE HIM IF SHE GOTTA DEAL WITH THIS SHIT THAT YOU MAKING! 

Till started crying saying she was sorry and that she wasn't really thinking, that she ins't cheating she's just over pressured by me being his first love ever and that I'm still going to have to be in his life because of King. I didn't really care What she had to say but I kind of understood the things she was saying, but regardless I'm always going to want my son father in his life so of course I'm going to be around 24/7. With Zahj he doesn't really car how people feel if they are wrong without thinking he wont care to hear them out he'll get over it when he feels. Stubborn is what I call it. Zahj hung up the phone and told her not to come around till he gets over it she tried saying sorry but he hung up. I felt like i ruined something which wasn't like me, whatever was ruined with Zahj is always karma from what he did to me. So i never really cared about anything that was ruined with him. Two minutes after realizing what just happened Zahj asked who King was with.

Me- He's with Lala

Zahj- Oh ok, well will I be able to see him now?

Me- Duh come over Lala house with me.

As I chose he followed me into my car to see his son. The whole way back to Lala house with him in my car made me actually miss us being together. Just his presence made me believe that I couldn't get over him. Which is why I wont date anyone because I always start to tell myself that I am not over this man that has put me through so much. You can't give up years of something you we're being used to. Things are way different without him being my boyfriend/fiance. I try to talk to other men to get over just thinking about him. Instead I end up backing out of moving forward with any guy because no one deserves to be lead on. Plus, I don't wanna be the desperate single mom that wants a boyfriend because things didn't go well with the baby father. I see myself as a lot of things that maybe my son would hear about if i don't think about what I'm doing and just do it, everything now is about me & my son and whatever i do will affect him also. Zahj was into his phone too much to see how hard I was thinking about everything, I Shed a tear and wiped it fast enough so he wouldn't see it. I played it off as if i was rubbing my eye. He looked at me when i coughed. 

Zahj- How you doing?

Me- Uhmmm I've been great

Zahj- So who you got around my son?

Me- WHat do you mean by that?

Zahj- Like your niggas 

Me- I don't mess with any niggas, I'm all about my job and KIng.

Zahj- Sure

Me- Sure?

Zahj- You think Ima believe you not fucking someone else or with someone else?

Me- Your bitch puts out false information and actually believe it? I've cheated before and i admitted to it why would I lie now? You can believe what you want because truth is your not my nigga to even ask me questions. I don't gotta explain shit to you, only person I gotta explain myself to when asked a question is my son.

After that there was a long period of silence. I didn't want to speak to him anymore. & by me bringing up the fact that I cheated he didn't want to speak to me anymore. He hates when shit is done to him but idc because you can read what he's put me through & I know you shouldn't always do what someone has done to you back but I didn't deserve that and it took me a long time to realize that.

Sorry guys I know its been forever since updating this but i hope you happy I'll be working on finishing this book....5 MORE CHAPTERS I'M ADDING!!!