Selfish love

My so called life .

I was so nervous . I was in front of Evans room . I dint have the courage to go and knock . I knew he was mad at me but I missed him so much . I took deep breaths and finally knocked . I was shocked he opened in a second . I wanted to hug him , tell him how much I missed . But when I looked at him his face was blank . As if he had no emotions or he dint show any .

Evan . I said trying to smile .

I know my name Ella . He said .

I was so sad he wasn't even happy after seeing me .

I missed you Evan and I am sorry believe me I am so so so sorry I love you so much . I missed you so much Evan you have no idea . You have the right to get mad at me but I am sorry and I love you . I said controlling my tears .

I saw your Love the day you left . No calls no messages nothing Ella ?! Is that how much you missed me ? He snapped

Evan you could have called me too and I am sorry I dint. I just dint have the guts to do that . I am sorry . I said .

Wow ! You think I dint try calling you Ella ? I am not like you . I was broken Ella I needed you . But you never showed up .

Evan I said I am sorry forgive me now . I was broken too . I said .

I hope you enjoy your so called life ! Just get out . Ella for now . Please . He said without showing any emotions . I was shattered . I couldn't control my tears anymore . I left his room and ran to mine .

How could he be so rude ? I was broken too ! He wasn't the only one who lost a father . I cried so much that I couldn't get tears out anymore .

I took a diary out of my bag . I loved writing down my feelings . It was the only thing that helped me . I started writing .

I scream but there's no sound,
I cry but there's no tears,
Is this life,
Or am I isolated with emotion.

No one is listening,
I don't think anyone cares,
Is this life,
Or hell with normal people.

I try to act normal,
But no one knows the thoughts inside my head,
My so called life, filled with thoughts of being better off dead.