ᵇʳᵘᵗᵃˡ ; ᵐᵃˡ'ˢ ˢᵉᶜʳᵉᵗ ᵈⁱᵃʳʸ ✓

Dear Diary ➤ Entry Forty-Two (Mal's Breakdown)

There was a sort of broken hearted that was akin to a smooshed ice-cream melting on a hot road; then there is the sort that is akin to lighting a match, enjoying the flame and leaving the ashes.

Mal's memories of him, the fun ones, were that flame, as the rest were ashes she watched blow away in the wind.

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, her usually bright and vibrant demeanor dulled by the crushing weight of heartbreak. Her chest ached with a sorrow so profound it stole her breath, leaving her feeling lost and alone in a world that no longer made sense without the one she loved.

"If I was like mom, this wouldn't hurt. If I didn't follow my stupid heart, this wouldn't hurt. I wouldn't be in this situation. I would be ruling this judgmental, piece of crap place of a home alongside my mother without thinking twice about grabbing that..." her words faded down as her mind traced back to its previous thoughts.

Her blade.

Every single time life stole a part of her, it was impossible for her to put herself back together.

She still felt pain, so much raw pain, to the point where she believed she couldn't be broken anymore.

"I connected to a part of you others never feel. I saw a part of your soul you never wanted to let out of the bag. I touched you and saw your reaction, beautiful and raw," Mal choked out, squeezing her bed blanket closer to her chest as she recited half of the love poem Ben read about her in class that viewed took them through the eyes he used to look at her. 

It was all a lie.

"It hurts!" She cried more.

Her eyes began to well up with tears, her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. The pain of being rejected by someone she loved so deeply was unbearable, and all she could do was let the sorrow wash over her. It was all too painful; it felt never-ending.

She wanted it to end.

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