THE αят OF LIVING [clifford au] on hold

irony {lydia}

❝Oh, the irony,

of living to die,

and dying to live.❞

-

I, like most teenagers, have read "The Fault in our Stars."

And I love it, I really do, but sometimes I feel like it's really just a cancer-ridden take on the whole "Romeo-and-Juliet" shebang.

And as much as I'd like to believe it, every time someone said "okay" I am 100% sure that they weren't.

It's nice.

And I love the idea of "okay."

But when I comes down to the cold, hard truth, it's not okay.

It's never okay when you can't breathe and you think you're finally gonna escape this asshole of a millennium. But then they hand you an oxygen tank and give you another un-guaranteed pocket of wasted time for you to spend wallowing in self pity.

And eventually depression takes you for a spin in a relatively tempting convertible. And before you know it, you're sitting underneath the Zumba room of your local YMCA wondering why the hell you have to yell over strange Latino pop music as you tell the support group in front of you that, "yes, I am alive, and no, I am not okay, why the hell do you think I'm here?"

Because being alive is not the same as being okay.

Yeah I'm alive, but I'm not okay.

So yeah, Hazel and Augustus can live [and die] in their little fiction world of "okay."

But I, Lydia Grey, live in the sad, irony/cancer-ridden world of reality, in which leukemia kills, and so does depression, and post traumatic stress disorder, and the other things that happen to be wrong with me.

So I may not be "okay," but at least I'm alive.

-

first chapter is upppppppp