THE αят OF LIVING [clifford au] on hold

suicide {lydia}

❝If suicide is not

the answer, then

death isn't the

end of life.❞

-

Today at boring-as-shit-not-at-all-helpful counseling, the question of the day was:

"Can you be suicidal if you're already dying?"

I see no point in this because:

          a.) you're dying

          b.) you have the same fate anyways

Just wait, you'll die, I can guarantee it.

My mom thinks I'm suicidal.

And depressed.

I am neither, I'm just dying.

There. Is. A. Difference.

The new guy is staring at me.

All I know is that his name is Michael and [like pretty much everyone here] he is pretty much dying.

Oh, and he seems to like tfios because lo and behold, he has a worn out copy in the ratty old backback he carries around like it's his child.

I love the book, I really do.

But "okay" is just bullshit.

But apperently he eats it up. Lives and breathes it like some kind of cancer-bible.

Which it is definately not.

It's a great book, but the topic at hand is suicide.

And how we're here because we're supposedly depressed and as Hazel Grace would say, "suicide is a side effect of depression, which is a side effect of death."

Or dying, depending on whether you see yourself as already dead, or waiting for death, as we all seem to be doing these days, with the cancer and all. Or fighting. Or winning.

But in the end, life is a losing battle.

And it seems that I, have already lost.