THE αят OF LIVING [clifford au] on hold

liars {lydia}

❝And if someday,

my soul is put to rest,

we shall meet again,

in salvation, my dear.❞

-

I think the worst part, is that they [the doctors] lied to us.

They put me in a hospital, as if sterilized needles, and heart monitors could cure cancer.

They were wrong.

And if I remember correctly, "that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt," pain does indeed, demand to be felt.

Because I swear to god, sitting in a goddamn hospital bed, listening to the sound of machines telling you that, "yes you are alive. No, you will most certainly not live, but that's almost the same thing."

But I mean, nothing tells you, you've hit rock bottom [of cancer, and depression] like sitting in front of a bunch of boob-less old women, and ball-less old men.

Not to mention your counselor's touching story about how she got her tits cut off to avoid risk of breast cancer, and ovarian cancer, and whatever the hell she was at risk for, and how she got it anyway, and survived again.

And then we have Calum, this really sad guy, who has something [cancer related] wrong with his vocal chords.

Not to mention Lucy, this super happy, super healthy, survivor of some type of curable cancer, who just makes us feel inferior, and frankly, quite jealous.

Or Jerry, a very tempermatic, very deaf, [also cancer related] twelve year old, with a very unhealthy vocabulary, for someone his age.

And last, is Ashton, a twenty one year old, who has some type of blood cancer, no one seems to be able to understand, let alone cure.

So that's the crew, and we meet every Thursday, underneath the Zumba room, in the basement of our local YMCA.

And we wait for death.

Because it doesn't feel like living, if you're dying.

-

i couldn't freaking resist posting this bc anxiety

please comment something if you're reading this

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