the most beautiful moment in life | bts

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Min Yoongi.

D-9, 4th October 2017.

As the days are slowly getting closer to Jimin's birthday once again, all he could remember of was that stupid mistake of his that he made a year ago and he wished so much that he could rewind back time to that day and stopped himself from kissing Jimin. The thoughts of it drove him nuts. Yoongi closed his eyes before he stood up and punched the walls of his room, frustrated as ever.

"Yoongi-ah, Yoongi-ah, stop it!" someone came into the room and held Yoongi's hands, stopping Yoongi from whatever he was doing and tried to calm him down. Both of them were on the ground.

"Hyung... Help me," Yoongi said, breathlessly.

"Here you go, eat it," the man said as he passed Yoongi his antidepressant pill, before Yoongi took it and threw it in his mouth, taking the water that the man was holding and gulping it down. Yoongi calmed down before he slowly stood back up onto his chair.

"Feeling better?" the man asked and Yoongi nodded.

-

This all started back to last year, after he left the boys. At that point of time, all he could thought of was killing himself after the kiss but he had promised Hoseok that he would not do it. He didn't want to break the promise. He didn't like doing that, breaking promises. He walked around Busan, hoping there is somewhere he could just stay at so he could organise his thoughts and get some rest. After all, he was still drunk. Coincidentally, he walked pass by a motel at the side of a building and without much thought, Yoongi just went in to get a room for him to rest. How the place look like from outside nor inside mattered to him. He just needs some space alone to think. It seemed as if the place was quite empty as it didn't take the receptionist of the motel a long time to get a room for Yoongi. She passed him the key to his room and Yoongi paid her as he went up the stairs to the second floor and find his room. As he walked along the corridor to find his room, he took the time to look around the motel that seemed even more shady than how it had already appeared outside. The wall paint was all peeling off and the floor wasn't even carpeted, just cement. Not just that he noticed there were big bottles of what seemed to be either water or gasoline scattering around the corridor. Once he reached his room, he saw the same big bottle beside the door and Yoongi took the chance to open it as he peeked in, only to feel suffocated from the strong smell of the gasoline.

He decided to close the lid back and entered his room and just like what he expected, the room had the wall paint all peeled off and vandalisms here and there. He didn't bother to look much before he took off his plaid cardigan and hanged it over a hook on the wall, leaving himself in a white tee and jeans, before he went to the bed and lied down. He looked at the empty side of the bed as he thought of what had happened between him and Jimin again. He thought about the first night of their trip where he slept beside Jimin who was sleeping so soundlessly. Why did this all have to happen, why did his jealousy have to attacked him at that point. He regretted it so much, he regretted it so, so much. He then sat back up to take out the phone from his back pocket of his pants and checked if he had any messages or calls but there were none. His battery was also not going to last any longer. Yoongi's eyes wondered around the room when he took a look at the lamp that was beside the bed. It seemed rather dusty as if they never cleaned the room ever since. He then noticed the small round table beside the lamp.

A lighter? Yoongi went to pick the lighter up and saw that there were still a lot of butane, the lighter fluid, left inside the lighter. Yoongi sat by the edge of the bed as he played with it, lighting it up and off, up and off again as he spaced out. Gasoline and a lighter?