a/n:: blurry's imputs will be in bold+italics. how he interacts with tyler might be kinda confusing but i'll explain it better at the end of the chapter
"first thing's first: you okay? did blurry hurt you? this was a bad idea-" i ramble on until josh stops me.
"i'm okay, really, no he didn't hurt me, and it was my idea for you to let him show up." josh dismisses my concerned feelings and questions. he doesn't look hurt or too shaken up so i should probably take his word for it.
a silence grows between us as we think for something to say. how to start. how to begin.
i sigh, gazing sadly at my yellow haired friend. the memories are still clear in my mind, almost as if they happened yesterday. i don't know if it's blurry's fault for keeping them with me. . . or the side effect of the trauma.
finally i make up my mind. "don't. . . don' inturrupt me 'till m'done, 'kay?" i ask timidly.
"of- of course." my best fren gently grabs my hand, and i blush ever so slightly at the gesture.
you want him
closing my eyes, i begin.
"i found out when i was-what, twelve? m' momma was in her room when i heard somethin' strange. . . almost like she was talkin' to herself. so i went to her room and opened the door, and she-" i stopped as the memories become increasingly more vivid.
joshie looks at me with worry and rubs his thumb over my hand. i hate to worry him; the guilt seeps in just a little bit more. shaking my head to clear my thoughts, (although it does nothing) i continue on.
"-her hands were bloody and a person was on the floor. at the time i din't know who it was, but i-it ended up being m'dada." squeezing my eyes shut and clenching a fist (since joshie's got the other one), i attempt to bury the emotions, but they tear me apart. blurry amplifies the feelings, making them nearly physically painful, almost too much to bear.
and i wasn't even close to the worst part. merely thinking about how i would have to tell that part sends a heavy feeling of dread and slight panic. assuming josh senses my clear unrest, he grazes his thumb once again, but this time doesn't stop.
nevertheless, i continue on. "m'mama heard me scream 'nd turned around so quickly she almost passed out. she cut her wrists, used the blood to make this pent'gram thingy, sacrificed dada, then 'tempted to use herself to be a vessel. i interrupted the ritual, which caused me to be the vessel 'stead of dada. he got killed for nothin'."
he died because of you
i push through to get it all over with without metioning how blurry possessed me. too painful to relive again.
tell him
finish
i can tell the literal demon inside wants me to let loose my emotions so he can come out, but i suppress it all, hope josh doesn't ask about the process, and use him as a grounding method.
inhale. exhale. oh-so-slowly. inhale. exhale. sigh so softly.
harshly
repeating the mantra over and over to calm myself, to make sure i don't panic too much.
"i- wow- I don't have words. sorry," my pale fren stutters out.
he pulls me in for a big hug suddenly, catching me off guard, but i graciously return it. i feel a wetness on my shoulder before i realize that josh is crying softly too. i pull back slightly to look at his tear-streaked face.
"don' cry, i have him under control now," i whisper reassuringly.
he looks down in shame. "i shouldn't be crying at all. i'm supposed to keep strong for you but i can't imagine how horrible that was."
" 'sokay, joshie. 's not your fault." i pull him back into a bear hug and carefully let the tears slip out.
can't have blurryface coming out when i'm this close to my best and closest fren ever.
so close, so satis
i feel blurry as if he's crawling under my skin, skimming along my bones as he stirs within me. i want him gone; i need him gone.
" 'm sorry, i shouldn't've let him out; i-"
josh looks back at me, still keeping his arms around my torso. "don't say that. it's not your fault. really."
of course it is, he just lies
"a-are you sure?" i sniffle.
MENDACIUM
i wince, but from what i cannot tell.
"ty?"
i parting my mouth slightly to say why, but nothing comes out. "i-i dunno," i eventually reply.
the yellow haired man looks down at me for a couple seconds before shrugging it off. still, the concern and uncertainty lingers in his wary, hazel eyes.
"let's. . . let's just go to bed."
" 'm'kay, joshie," i whisper out.
we change into our pajamies - well, josh just wears sweatpants, but i wear nice yellow p.j. pants and matching shirt - and i get into my grey bed. josh is about to leave, but i shoot my arm out, grabbing his wrist. looking at him with pleading, scared eyes and softly say, "t'night, m'need you to stay."
the tall man whispers back, "of course." and gets into bed with me.
his warmth makes me feel safe, so i wrap my arms around him and think happy thoughts to push away the demon that sits in the back of my mind. in return, josh envelopes me in his arms and pulls me closer to him. we stay still like that, and i fall asleep knowing my best friend will protect me if he comes.
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a/n:: that photo is the best thing I've seen hhhh. it highkey looks like them anyways, tyler doesn't directly hear what blurry says, blurry just twists his thinking very subtlety. it's like unconscious thoughts and feelings, basically. also, the louder and more forceful blurry is, the stronger and more direct tyler will feel/think from blurry. hope that makes a little more sense!
