Renewing our Vows

Chapter 5: Honeymoon (Part 3)

"Do you want to make a baby with me?"

A million emotions course through me in that moment, but the one I can't seem to shake is anger. Of course I don't want to have another kid! I thought I was done with that chapter of my life. Not to mention that both of my pregnancies were terrible. I did everything myself and got treated like shit. Sam was horrible to me when I told him I was pregnant with Norman; called me a whore and blamed it on me.  And when I had Dylan, I was alone. Logically, I know Alex would never even dream of treating me like that but knowing he wants kids changes everything.

I set down my coffee and stared at the table for a long time.

"Norma?" he tried again.

Finally, I looked him in the eye and said, "Can you please give me a minute to think?"

He nodded slowly, looking defeated and I stood up from the table, walking into the apartment. Suddenly, tears sprang to my eyes and I ran into the bedroom, slamming the door. 

What the hell is wrong with me? I thought as I sat on the bed, sobbing. I tried to reason through why that made me so upset but I couldn't come to any sense of rationality. So I just let myself cry. I laid back on the bed and let the sobs take over. 

Eventually, he knocked softly on the door and said, "Norma, can I please come in?" But I couldn't respond and I began crying harder.

He opened the door and I heard him rush to my side. He grabbed my shoulders, pulling me up like a doll and lifted me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against his chest. I clutched his shirt in my fists and cried into his neck as he mumbled softly in my ear, rubbing my back. 

"Breathe," he repeated softly in my ear as my tears subsided and I tried to catch my breath. He pulled back to look in my eyes. "Now will you tell me what's wrong?" he asked, brushing the hair away from my face.

He looked absolutely devastated and I couldn't bear it. I reached up to cradle his face in my hands and crushed my lips to his. I kissed him hard, grabbing his neck to hold him to me. I shoved my tongue into his mouth and he groaned, twisting his fingers into my hair.

When I began to unbutton his shirt, he grabbed my wrists gently, stopping my movements and pulled back. I leaned forward to kiss him but he pulled away again. I looked at him questioningly.

"What are you doing, Norma? A minute ago, you were crying and now you want to have sex?"

I put on the most genuine smile I could and said, "Let's do it. Let's make a baby."

He looked so happy but I could see that he was still very conflicted. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes," I said before reconnecting our lips, pushing him back on the bed and climbing on top of him.  I straddled his hips and began unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled my hair so I would look at him. I ignored his efforts and kissed his neck before ripping his shirt open and running my hands over his chest.

"Norma, baby stop," he ground out, panting hard. But I ignored him, reaching down to unbuckle his belt. "Norma, stop. I don't think we should do this right now," he tried again. 

I reached into his boxers and grabbed ahold of him. He gasped and squeezed my hips hard, thrusting gently into my hand. I smiled against his neck and whispered, "Don't you?"

He moaned and reached up to pull my lips to his. I could feel his resolve crumbling so I seized the opportunity, pulling his pants down just far enough to free him. I reached up, undoing the sash on my robe and threw it to the floor. 

When I straightened up and looked down at him, he was watching me carefully. I smiled wickedly at him, grabbing his hands and placing them over my breasts before raising up on my knees and sinking down slowly on him.

His eyes closed and he let out a contented sigh, pinching my nipples between his fingers. I began to ride him roughly and when he opened his eyes to look at me, he must have noticed a shift in my expression because he immediately sat up and lifted me off of him.

"What are you doing?" I asked, climbing to the other side of the bed and pulling the sheet over myself.

"What am I doing?" he repeated, sounding frustrated. "Norma, I know that something is wrong. You can't do this, anymore. Use sex to solve your problems. You have to talk to me," he said pulling his boxers on and sitting next to me on the bed.

As he sat there waiting for me to say something, he adjusted his erection uncomfortably and I could see the amount of restraint he was taking to be a gentleman.

In that moment, I suddenly realized that he would never ever hurt me. He wasn't like the others and even though I always knew that, a part of me was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I looked at him and whispered, "I'm scared."

"Why?" he asked, stroking my cheek.

"Because I don't want to have any more kids and I didn't think you wanted any either. I'm sorry, I just had bad experiences with both Dylan and Norman and I just thought I was past all that. But now that you want kids, I feel like I'm not good enough for you. You have given me everything and I feel so selfish because I can't give you the one thing you have asked of me."

He looks at me a while longer and then smiles at me sadly. "Norma, you give me everything just by being my wife. You are all I will ever need. I just wanted to have a baby with you because I love you so much and I want you to have a shot at a normal family. I never meant to pressure you, I just wanted to see if that's something you wanted."

I let out a deep breath of relief and smiled through my tears. "I love you, Alex. I'm so sorry," I said and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Don't be sorry, Norma," he said and kissed the top of my head. "And I love you too," he whispered. 

I smiled and stood up from the bed, pulling on my robe. "Let's go finish breakfast," I said, holding out my hand to him.

When we finished eating, we packed a picnic and set out to sightsee. We walked down the Boulevard Saint Germain, making our way towards the Notre Dame. We had ice cream on Ile Saint Louis before crossing over the bridge to the Rue de Rivoli. We passed the Louvre and stopped in to Angelina for coffee and pastries. When we finished there, we walked through the Tuileries Gardens, down along the Seine and bought a lock. We wrote "Alex and Norma -2016" on the lock before attaching it to the bridge when we crossed back over. 

Eventually, we made our way to the Eiffel Tower where we laid out a blanket in the grass and set out our picnic. When we finished eating and laid back on the blanket, my head resting on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around my waist, I began to wonder what it would be like to be pregnant with his child. He would be the most amazing father, not to mention how involved and supportive he would be through the whole 9 months. As I thought more and more about it, I started to get excited about the idea. 

That night when we got back to the room, we got in the bathtub together and he pulled me in between his legs, cradling me.

"Mm, that feels good," I say, dropping my head back against his shoulder as he begins washing me. He lifts the loofa again to rub circles into my chest and I relax all my muscles, leaning into him and moaning softly.

"Baby, do you even know what you do to me?" he asks as his hand falls lower and begins to wash my stomach beneath the water. I close my eyes and place my hand over his to guide his movements. He brushes his lips across my temple and a soft sigh comes from his throat.

"Show me. What do I do to you?" I whisper and he drops the loofa, tracing his fingers over my thigh.

"Mm," he groans and bites my earlobe. As his hand slides higher on my leg and his other hand reaches up to cup my breast, I suddenly reach my decision.

"Alex, I want to have your baby," I say and his hands stop dead in their tracks.