Hunger games. Tweaked. Everthorne

Chapter 4

A\N: HI HI HI. I'm back happily or sadly. I know my fic isn't that great but it will get better. Bear with me. I'm not going to say much because this chap is freaking long so let's go..

I kissed him. Then I kissed him again. And again and....... again. We're in the arena and its been a week. Peeta's as sick as a dog and we're staying in a cave. Why am I kissing him? Because I have to keep up the 'star-crossed lover' scam so we can keep receiving gifts from sponsors and those gifts are keeping us alive. But with each kiss I feel a pang of guilt. Some of them are slow, some quick, some lingering, but I feel a nip in my heart at each one. My heart is screaming at me, 'you're betraying him!' Who's him? Peeta? No that can't be right. Who am i betraying? Then it hit me. Gale! I feel like I'm betraying Gale! He kissed me! He said he loves me! And what do I go and do? I kiss another boy and he has to watch. I'm swimming in guilt. Drowning in it. Gale's going to hate me forever. I want to scream into the cameras and say, 'This is all an act! Its not real! I don't love him!' But the thing is I do love him. I really do but just as a dear friend. I owe Peeta so much and he's been there for me all through the games. I can't let him die. I'll do whatever it takes to keep him alive even if it means constantly kissing him. The funny thing is every time my lips meet his I feel.........nothing. No tingling sensation, no butterflies, no warm feeling, no anything. I feel like he's miles away from me. Its nothing compared to the one Gale gave me. My heart was racing. I felt a rush in me. I felt like everything stopped and we were the only people on earth. But I still don't know how I feel about him and it frustrates me. A part of me wishes I kissed him back. When I said, 'I love you too' after he was dragged away, did I mean it? Ofcourse I love Gale. He's my best friend. But do I love him as more than that? It doesn't help that I know nothing about love and I haven't had time to even think about it. All I know is that I'm hurting someone back home. Beside that I'm terrible at acting like I'm in love. First off I don't even know how that feels and second, I'm a terrible liar...... unlike Peeta. He looks genuinely in love with me. He looks more than happy to be kissing me all the time. He always asks if I'm alright and stares at me dreamingly. Sometimes I wonder if he's even acting. Ofcourse he is, this was his idea in the first place. So that means if Gale hates me then it's his fault. I try not to think about both of them at once. They don't mix well in my thoughts. But I still can't leave him. I'll never bear the guilt. I need to get my feelings straight and my head in the game. I've been damaged so much. Leaving my family and Gale, being stung by tracker jackers, going through excruciating pain and dehydration, almost being killed several times, loosing the ability to hear in one ear, watching Rue die, almost loosing Peeta. Its more than I can handle. Then of course my thoughts wander back to Gale. I wish he was here. I wish he could put his arms around me so I can feel safe. I wish he could tell me everything was going to be alright. We're in the cave and Peeta's sleeping. I couldn't sleep because my thoughts kept me awake but now the drowsiness is overpowering me and I can't keep my eyes open any longer. I go to sleep dreaming of home. 'This is good', I think. Maybe I can sleep well tonight instead of having another nightmare about Rue.

I'm in the forest back home. I'm walking through the woods and I hear a farmiliar voice calling my name. "Katniss!" I turn around and see my best friend jogging towards me. "I'm done setting up the last of the snares.", he said as he steadied his pace to walk with me. " Great!" I exclaimed, " we're ahead of schedule."

"God Katniss, you sound like Effie Trinket." He said laughing which is a rear scene. I glared at him.

" Why are you still laughing? ", I asked in a growl.

" I'm just imagining you in her silly dress, weird wig and five inch heels.", he laughs clutching his sides,"you look ridiculous! "

"If you keep laughing, the game isn't the only thing I'll shoot today." I said to him menacingly but secretly enjoying his laughter. He looks at me as he calms down." Now there's my Katniss.", he smiles at me. I love his smile. I don't think anyone outside his house but me has seen it. Its worth making him laugh even if it's at my own expense. I can't help smiling back before we head back on. So far we caught 4 rabbits, a turkey and a couple of squirrels. We then stumbled on a lake. I jumped for joy because we could find some fish and also because of the fact that I love to swim. It was fairly hot today.