Clouded Soul

1

I make it my personal mission in life to fill each empty notebook I have, with poems.

~ I'm deep. My mind complex like a maze. My eyes empty yet full of tears. My vision blurry but at the world I gaze. I'm gone yet here. Body numb but I still feel. If I'm alive why do I feel obsolete?

I quickly wrote the poem down. When I finished I sighed and leaned back against the cold leather couch. The smell of weed hit me like a belt being wielded by an angry parents. I found it oddly satisfying and looked to see my sister Corrine passing by.

Corrine's eyes were redder than Rudolph's nose. I've never smoked weed before but I've always wanted to. Everyone did it but that's not my reason for wanting to try it. I just feel like if I could try it I'd finally know how it felt to be high. I felt inexperienced as hell.

"Mercy what are you doing just sitting around? Get up and go to the store for me. Buy me a pack of Black & Mild," I hear Mama say.

She comes from around the corner wearing her purple satin bonnet and holding her phone in one hand and in the other she held out money. I took the money and nodded saying, "Yes ma'am."

She walked off and I scrunched up my face. I hate going to the store for her. Whenever I go out, I run into Joe --- a crackhead from down the street who likes me. Instead of wasting time like last time, I just walked to the store. As I got near Joe's usual drug deal spot, I noticed him talking to this guy. They were further back than usual, but I still spotted them.

He was tall, dark, and had waves so deep I could've drowned. I stared him down for a good while. I watched him argue with Joe for a second. He was complaining about getting his money.

"You-you got to give m-me more...time," Joe said to the guy.

"You had time. If you don't have my money now...I'm going to kill you," he said pulling out his gun and cocking it.

"I swear this-this-this time I ---"

Just as he was about to finish, tall dark and wavy shot Joe. He shot Joe directly in the head, his brains blowing all over the side of the side of the building. I didn't even flinch. I was use to it. I've seen a lot of people shot and I never snitch or act like it happened.

That's just how it is. Everyone around heard the shot but I bet you no one cares. Hearing gunfire is as common as hearing your Mama calling you to do trivial things like get the remote that's right next to her pinky.

When he began to walk away, I got out of my hiding spot and started walking, acting like I hadn't seen anything.

As he passed me, he stared. He had hazel eyes and a cross tatted on the side of his neck. Making eye contact with him caused me to have chills. I look away and notice him stop. I keep on but look back and he is staring at me with a hard look on his face.

"Come here," he commanded.

I felt my heart racing and pounding against my chest. He licked his lips and looked around.

"Why you scared Ma? Ion bite unless you want me to," he joked and I relaxed a little.

"Oh," I say still nervous.

I can't look him in the eyes any longer. His eyes were so intense up close like this.

"What's your name? And don't lie." He lifts my head up, forcing me to look at him.

"M-Mercy," I breathe out.

He let's go of my chin.

"Cute...so Mercy you want to head over to my crib?"

I swallowed and it felt like a rock. He was seriously hitting on me? I didn't know what to say or how to act, but I was myself.

"My mama gon be mad if I'm not back with her stuff," I say biting my lip a little.

"Maybe next time huh," he asked smirking.

I smile.

"Maybe. You've got to tell me your name though..."

He chuckled and shook his head.

"Next time." He winked at me.

As he walks away I feel like dancing. Then reality settled in and I realized I was still behind the building not to far away from where Joe was just killed.

I shook my head. I need to stop daydreaming so much. I might get killed one day.

This time he walked over to a car across the street, got in and drove in the direction of the store. I sighed and walked over to Joe's body.

"Rest up bud," I say feeling my heart go out for him.

I searched his pockets he didn't have much. He had 3$, two business cards, a watch, and a ring. I took the ring and 3$. He tried giving me the ring a week ago. Instead of taking it I told him off and now I felt bad so I took it.

"Thanks Joe," I say and walk off.

How indifferent I feel. I just raided a crackhead and didn't think twice. I rather me rob him than another crackhead though.

...

When I finally got home with Mama's Black & Mild she was furious. I'd taken too long again.

"It took you so long! What you had to do? Make the shit?! Next time I'll ask ya sister," she said slapping my back as I walk away. I wince and and pout all the way to my room.

As soon as I got in I laid down and shut my eyes forcing myself into the dark abyss of sleep. I felt like I was falling as I fell deeper into sleep until finally I was asleep.