Between summer days and thunderstorms

How I died

I step out the front door, and am greeted by a world, gray as the ashes of the home behind me
I close the door behind me, tempted to look behind me just in time to see the curtain fall
But I don't, I steer my eyes away from the ruins of what once was a safe haven

You ruined my home, as you ruined me, just once too many
My heart feels ten sizes too large, pounding through my broken ribs
Breaking anything in it's way while trying to get the blood flowing again
Only to realize the blood is flowing away through the hole you punched through my stomach last night
Ounces flowing away, from my body down to the pavement
I know you saw the gaping hole, my hurting heart, my aching soul
But what shattered everything that still kept me together was when you looked away

Not a single bit of recognition, as if I were already dead to you
Before even giving me the chance to bleed to death at your feet

You've been done with me from the moment you met me, yet remain by my side

But I don't know what it is you want from me besides empty company

You keep me near, but shove me away whenever you don't have to restrain me

As if you only want me when I'm trying to walk away

But would you stop me from going if I ever tried to leave?

Something inside me tells me you'd watch me walk, while just smiling and waving

But something wonders if you'd follow me and grab my hand

Pleading me not to go, telling me you love me

The only thing keeping me from actually walking, taking my stuff and running

Is the look in your eyes when I can actually see that you love me

In those moments I forget why I'm holding a bag

And why I'm holding the doorknob, one foot out the door
Every time I try to tell you what you're doing to me, you turn the tables on me
Leaving me feeling guilty, for making you break my heart

Everything is my fault, my heart shouldn't break

When I put it in your hand and watch you squeeze

But after every single time, watching it break under your pressure
I lost one of the pieces, right in the center

I have looked everywhere, but it's nowhere near us
It probably scattered somewhere, rolled under the couch or something
But you refuse to help me look, for it's my own damn fault
Go find my missing puzzle piece by myself, that's not your job

Your job is not to make me happy, but your hobby is to hurt me

Leaving me picking up the pieces, but it's still my own fault

Your revenge isn't sweet, it is bitter as the look on your face

When you look me in the eyes, throw my heart on the floor and stomp on it

Your eyes dead and cold as I writhe in pain, not fazed by my hurt

Turning away before I can beg you to stop

Your once warm heart replaced with a block of ice

Cold, unforgiving and relentless, like a hungry dog with a bone

You bite into me and rip me to pieces
Leaving me bleeding on your floor, cursing me for making a mess

You treat me like a dog that threw up on your carpet

Grabbing me by the hair and rubbing my face in it, punishing me

Never once wondering why my stomach turned on me

Not once realising your fist hit me hard enough to make me sick

Now I stand here, no home left to go to

For you have burned all my bridges behind me preventing me from coming back

You never stopped to think of the fact that my bridge led to our home
Burning every chance of me coming back, for there is nothing left

But you probably don't even care, for in your opinion, I don't need a home

I am but your pet, sent to a corner of the room when you're done cuddling
Begging you for attention, you just shoo me until I go away

Knowing I'll come as soon as you call me

But I won't get far, even when I try to run, for I have lost too much

Too much blood, too many pieces, too many homes, too much love

I know I'll collapse right here on the curb, where you left me standing

Your face being the last thing crossing my mind, guilt being my last feeling

I am sorry you caused me so much pain, it was my own fault
I know you didn't mean to, but still let my heart break when you squeeze it

I am sorry the hole you caused made me bleed to death

I know I asked for it, I know I deserved it