Tom Hiddleston imagines

Tom - I wont

// WARNING - INCLUDES CUTTING, SUICIDE AND FEELS - DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT//

Enough.

She had had enough.

Her life was a mess. Not a normal mess but complete chaos and Ragnarok. Her friends were slowly leaving her behind, one by one. Going to study abroad, finding jobs, getting into relationships, hell some of them were even engaged. And what did she have? Most people would say she was lucky. She had a big and loving family, two good friends and a wonderful boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston himself. Their story was long but to make it short, she was there at one of his press conferences and after laying their eyes on each other they couldn't take them away. They went out to get some coffee and it didn't take long before their relationship got serious. It sounded almost too good to be true, didn't it? Well, it wasn't.

Her grades seemed fine but she struggles a lot in school, she couldn't keep up with the others and most of her free-time was used on extra lessons in almost every subject. The teachers didn't seem to care, to them she was just another failure, another student that would fail school in the end no matter how hard she tried. Her friends lived many miles away, in other countries to be exact. They both had jobs and a life, unlike her, so they were busy and didn't talk to her as much as they used to. She hated it. It was lonely. Her family was pretty nice, but she was different from them on points she had forced herself to never mention to anyone or anything. She didn't contact them much anymore, maybe once a month or so but never more if she could avoid it.

And Tom..

He made her happy. He was the only reason she was still there. He had seen her at her worst, the anxiety attacks, the crying at night, the starving, the scars, he had seen all of it, more than once, and he had helped her through it but lately he wasn't there. He was busy with the new movie so of course she understood that he didn't have much time or energy but he had seemed distant and the magazines and his fans were spreading rumors. They thought he was gonna break up with her.

Why wouldn't he?

He was an actor. He could get anyone he wanted, he was good looking, sweet, a gentleman, tall, strong, patient, smart, good actor, he could both sing and play.. She was just, her. She wasn't special, she was a simple, quiet bookworm who liked to hide in hoodies and slept way more than an average person. She wasn't special, if she had to say it herself she'd probably call herself a freak.

And she did.

When she stormed home from school, into her apartment and to her room. Where was the razor? Aha, there. It was in her closet. It was old but still as sharp as the first time it slid over her skin ever so slowly. The thought sent chills down her spine along with tears that were sent to her eyes and slowly ran down her cheeks. Could she really do this again? She promised she wouldn't.. No. Screw promises. Her family wouldn't care, her school wouldn't even notice she was missing and Tom.. He could find someone worthy of him, someone he could be with forever instead of her, she was only temporary.

The thought of him being happy with someone else made her heart sting and the tears stream even faster. She jumped as her phone rang and she took it without checking who it was.

"Hello?"

"Darling, it's me."

Shit, Tom. His timing was always like this and honestly she wasn't sure if she was happy about that right now or not.

"Shouldn't you be working right now?"

"Eheh, I got off early. Would you mind if I come by? I know I haven't been there much for you lately so maybe we could go out for dinner?"

"I'm sorry, but, not.. Not today. I can't."

"What? Darling are you oka-"

She hung up. Placing the phone on the table she went to the bathroom and locked the door, sliding down the wall so she sat on the floor with the razor in her hand. She rolled up her sleeves and bit her lip at the sight. White scars everywhere that had healed a long time ago. Her skin seemed almost normal again. Could she really do this?

Shaking her head she gripped the razor tighter and brought it to her wrist, taking a deep breath as she pressed it against her pale skin. "I'm sorry Tom.." She whispered and made a quick move, sliding open her skin. The smell of blood filled the room quickly and before she knew it her body worked on it's own. Cut after cut after cut appeared on her arms, her wrists, until she no longer could hold the blade. The pain was almost unbearable and the smell was making her feel dizzy, like she was gonna faint.

"Baby? Where are you?"

The words seemed blurred and so did the voice. She wasn't sure who it was until the door opened. Tom. He was the only one with a spare key.

"What in the world.. Wh-why?"

His voice was shaking and the tears were flowing from his eyes and down his cheeks as he fell to his knees beside her, catching her as she fell to the floor and placed her head in his lap, slowly stroking her hair with one hand while trying to calm himself, as if he couldn't believe it was real.

"Don't.. Don't leave me, please, you're all I have.. I love you."

His words were truthful and she smiled faintly as she raised her blood red arm, lightly caressing his cheek. "I wont." She whispered, her voice hoarse yet she still managed to smile. She looked over at his other hand, seeing a box in it. He opened it and she felt something cold on her finger. A ring. "I want to marry you.. With all my heart. Don't go, please stay, don't leave me.."

"I wont." She spoke as her body went limp in his arms, his tears falling down on her skin that was slowly getting colder and her eyes were staring into his before they closed. "I wont."

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She woke up in an instant, her heart racing and tears streaming down her cheeks. "Thomas.. I wont.." She sulked and was immediately pulled down to the bed again. "Don't worry darling, it was just a bad dream." Tom whispered in her ear and kissed her head, then her lips. A dream.. She looked down at her hand and smiled as she saw the ring on her finger, and on Toms too. She turned her arm lightly and to her relief, no new scars. It just seemed so real but god was she happy it wasn't. "I wont leave Tom. I promise I wont leave you, never."

"I know darling. I know."