Hate That I Love You (Book3) COMPLETED

•HATE THAT I LOVE YOU 21•

I gasped looking at the scene with tears rolling down my face. "What are you doing, Shawn?" I asked in a shaky voice as I cried.

"You weren't supposed to see this," he said shaking his head repeatedly, "This isn't how it's supposed to happen."

"Shawn put the gun down. We can talk about it," I said walking towards him slowly.

"Step back or I'll pull the trigger!" He yelled as his arms began shaking.

"Shawn don't do this! Think about Blue! Think about Ansel! Think about the baby!" I cried desperately as I rubbed my growing stomach.

As if on cue, thunder struck and rain came pouring down loudly. It was as if my life was a dramatic movie all happening in slow motion.

"They have you, they don't need me," he said shaking his head as he cried.

"Then think about me, Shawn! Fucking consider me! I can't live if you are gone! Imagine how it feels to see your husband, the love of your life, holding a gun up to their head! Imagine how it feels knowing the last few moments I had with you were us fighting! Put the shit down!" I yelled crying as loud as humanly possible.

I was pouring my feelings out to this man. We were both broken and we both needed fixing. The thing was the only way I could be fixed was by him but he was giving up. The only way he could be fixed was by me, but he wasn't letting me.

"What good will it be? It's not like it will fix anything. The kids will still fear me and resent me. And you.. you will still be separated from me. Putting the gun down won't fix my life, it won't fix anything!"

I shook my head. He doesn't know how much I need him. He doesn't know how important he is to this world, to our children, to his family. He is my world.

"Yes it will! It will give you time! That time will fix our problems! We will sit down and we'll talk. We'll be us again. I love you, Shawn. Even though I hate loving you, I love you more than anything else. I can't loose you."

"It's too late.." he whispered looking down.

I didn't know what could happen. He was seriously about to make the biggest mistake of his life and I had to stop him someway. I closed my eyes briefly and opened them as I stepped closer to him. We were face to face and if it weren't for a few centimeters we would be chest to chest.

"No! It's not! Do you remember our wedding day. I was wearing some random mini white dress and you had a tux that was too small for you and some mix match socks. Our only witnesses were Kelly and Bach. I was like two months pregnant with Blue. You remember that?" I asked.

He nodded and kept quiet. I began easing my hands towards his arms and slowly pulling the gun away from his face.

"Well our vows were to be faithful, loving, present, persistent and hopeful in our marriage, those were the exact words. I am now being persistent and hopeful. Shawn put the gun down. We'll work on us, I won't do the mistake of leaving you again."

He looked down at me. He stared directly into my eyes. The sadness and brokenness I saw was indescribable. It was as if someone had went to a beautiful museum and broken every single masterpiece. Like an elegant piano with missing notes. Like Shawn was gone, all that was left, a shell of the man he once was.

"Beyoncé," he mentioned my name for the first time, "I still failed. I wasn't hopeful, persistent, hopeful or even faithful," He said slowly.

I shook my head at his stubbornness and laid his hand on my stomach letting him feel his child kick away.

"If you haven't pulled the trigger it means there is still hope. If you still went to the hospital earlier today it means you are still persistent. And lastly if you are here with me and not with Demi it means you regret it and now you'll be faithful. Shawn, admit it. Sometimes even the hero needs saving," I said taking a step closer to him, we were now chest to chest and I was finally able to ease the gun out his hand.

I quickly threw it to the side and held his face in my hands, "I don't ever want to see you this sad," I said softly against his lips, "I want you to move back in with us and I want us to work on our marriage. Do you agree?"

He slowly nodded and closed his eyes taking a deep breath as he wrapped his arms around me. "Thank you for saving me, baby."

"I love you, Shawn." I said kissing him for the first time in what seemed like ages.

"I love you too, Beyoncé."

"Want to hear some positive news?" I asked him shyly.

"What?"

"Looks like you are having a second son."

"What!? Seriously?"

"Just found out. That's why I was on my way here. That, and I wanted to check up on you."

"Thank you, for my kids," he said kissing me once again.

"You're welcome. But I don't want you harming yourself anymore." I said sternly.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not dumb, Shawn. I saw your scars at the hospital. Take your sweater off."

He hesitantly and slowly pulled his hoodie off and I gasped. I slowly traced his scars some fresh and some older. From his elbows all the way down. Some on his stomach and a few on his sides.

I began crying as he hugged me. "Why would you do this to yourself?" I asked crying as he rubbed my back.

"I thought I had lost it all."

I wiped my tears and began placing kisses on his chest. Each kiss I placed, I whispered another 'I love you'. He held me until we made our to the couch and eventually fell asleep.