Hate That I Love You (Book3) COMPLETED

•Epilogue•

Never in my life did I think I would fall in love. I always saw myself as the odd one out while all my friends had boyfriends. I didn't even think I would lose my virginity to the type of guy that I did. He was an asshole. But my real first and the one I count was even more unexpected. It was a guy who I truly hated. He was just a fuck out of lust but then became a recurring partner and finally my boyfriend.

It seemed like we were moving a mile a minute. We had known each other for only a few months and I trusted this guy with my life. He taught me how to shoot a gun. I killed for him and he killed for me.

It all changed when he proposed, something I didn't think he would ever be ready for due to his reputation. I shortly figured out I was pregnant with our first daughter. I broke off my toxic relationship with my father and eloped. We moved away and started our new lives. A shitty apartment and a busy schedule: trying to graduate while pregnant.

Shawn worked so hard and surprised me by buying us a house with the money he had been saving for years. The house were we would raise our family.

Sure we have had some hardships and problems. Infidelity, abuse and a lot of shit happen in our lives. But the love and connection only grew stronger.

Never in a million years did I think I would be holding his hand. As we drive to the hospital to deliver our third child.

"You ready?" Shawn spoke softly as he held the steering wheel with one hand and rubbed my stomach with the other.

I nodded and smiled at him reassuringly as I breathed through my mouth. "Mommy is the baby coming right now?" Ansel asked rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he sat in his car seat kicking his little legs.

"Yes, just in a few we'll be arriving at the hospital and he'll be right here."

"What is his name again?" Blue asked.

"It's a surprise only mommy knows." Shawn said shaking his head with a smile as we began pulling in.

My water had broken about an hour ago. The kids were asleep and I was about to go to sleep as well. Shawn and I had just finished watching a movie when I felt the contractions start and before you knew it, swoosh, now here we are.

"What!? Daddy you don't know either?" Blue said surprised yet confused.

"Nope. I don't and mommy doesn't want to tell me."

"Well it doesn't matter cause hopefully in less than an hour you'll know." I said winking.

Shawn parked the car and helped me out. I leaned against the side as he unbuckled Ansel, while Blue opted to unbuckle herself since she is a "big girl" now.

Once we were all out the car Shawn held my back as the kids walked in front of us. We were quickly accommodated in a room. The kids went to one corner that had toys while Shawn stood by my bed side.

We normally wouldn't have brought them but it was very spontaneous and since it was late nobody could come watch them. My mom will be stopping by later to help us out. Yes, we mended our relationship since she absolutely loves her grandchildren and it was either hold a grudge for a jailed man and lose her family or live happily. She divorced Kacey and has been living near us and helps us out with the kids whenever she can.

"I don't think I can do this." I said shaking my head.

"Sure you can. You are the strongest woman I know. I love you so much."

"No, like I didn't mentally prepare myself to have this baby today. Ugh, my vagina is going to hurt so much! And we won't have sex for our anniversary since I won't be healed up by then and-" he cut me off with a kiss.

"It doesn't matter. You are about to have our second son and everything will be fine, plus what can you do? Tell him to stick around in there for a few more days?" He said with that sexy smirk I fell in love with.

"Hahaha." I said sarcastically, "you are right tho."

The doctor checked to see how far along I was. He nodded to some nurses and they care up. "Ok Mrs. Carter you are ready to push."

One of the nurses took the kids to the playroom next door and before I knew it I was screaming out to God and crying waiting for my baby.

"One last push Mrs. Carter." The doctor said and soon the sounds of a baby crying filled the room. The baby was cleaned up and the kids were allowed back in the room.

"So now can I know the name?" Shawn asked as he held our baby.

"His name is Adonis Corey Carter." I said smiling.

"Baby," he said tearing up, "you didn't have to" he said softly handing me the baby.

"It was your last dying wish and I want you to look how far you've made it whenever you call his name and chase after him." I said softly as I laid with all three of my children and held Shawn's hand.

Blue and Ansel had fallen asleep in my bed. Shawn smiled and stepped back to take a picture even though I probably look like crap.

"Thank you for making me the man I am today." He said as he laid a kiss on my lips.

"Shawn, you made me the woman I am today and I have never in my life thought this would be my life but I really am thankful."

He rubbed circled on my hand and soon I felt my eyelids closing. He lifted Adonis out my arms and laid him in the crib. I soon felt Blue and Ansel being laid on the futon. I fell asleep content and extremely happy.

Shawn, I adore you. You break me, make me cry but you also make me feel save, loved and happy as can be. I hated you and then you climbed up my window with your dirty jokes and that smug look and I couldn't get enough. We have a connection that goes deeper than just love. You are my soulmate and I can't wait until we grow old together. So guess what, I hate that I love you but I also fucking love it too.

~~~~~~~~

I hear your problems,
I will wipe away a tear.
I love you with all my heart,
And that is my biggest fear.

I can't get you out of my head;
You're always around,
Everywhere I look,
In the sky and on the ground.

You are there when I am about to sleep,
And all throughout the night.
You are there when I wake.
You never leave my sight.

You are always on my mind,
And you have captured my heart.
I am in love with you
And don't ever want to be apart.

However, I am playing a game,
That I cannot possibly win,
As you are my best friend,
And feeling for you is like a sin.

It's a game of love roulette,
And the gun is fully loaded.
As loving a best friend is friendship suicide,
So I'll make sure it's noted.

I do this every time,
It is nothing new.
I have ruined things once again
All because I have fallen for you.

Poem by Josh Alker