Don't you ever love someone so much that it hurts?
You think more about them and their health than you do your own.
Almost to the point it is damaging, Love and Hate come together into one. Sometimes it can be too much to handle..
~Book 3~
"Daddy!!" Ansel yelled as he ran towards me when he saw me standing at the entrance of his daycare.
"Wassup little man?!" I said matching his excitement at I picked him up. I had just got back from seeing my therapist and Bey couldn't pick him up because she had a meeting.
"Daddy you come home?" He asked.
"Yup. But enough about that, tell me what you did in school," I told him as I walked him to his car seat and strapped him in.
"We played a game in groups it was like monopoly! It was soo cool! But I didn't like my team," He said pouting as I got in.
"Why?"
"They were dumb and didn't know how to play."
I tried not to laugh and looked back at him, he seemed totally serious. "Ansel you can't talk about your classmates like that, it's ok if they have a hard time," I said.
"It doesn't matter I still won so tomorrow the teacher is bringing me a chocolate!" He cheered and did his little dance.
"That's good." I began pulling up to the house. I parked in the driveway and got my keys out before unbuckling Ansel. I grabbed his book-bag and turned to close the car.
I closed my eyes for a second and I was immediately hit by the flashback of that night. I dropped Ansel's bag as I tried to forget everything.
"Dad!"
"Daddy!"
I just fell to the floor and covered my ears as I heard various sounds.
"Shawn put the gun down!"
"Shawn, I get you are married but she won't find out."
"Wayne Michael and Kayla Michael have been classified as the kidnappers."
"Ansel is missing!"
"Shawn think about your kids!"
"SHAWN! SHAWN! LOOK AT ME! LISTEN TO MY VOICE!" I heard someone yell as I took a deep breath and tried to look around.
I quickly sat up and looked around. "Shawn, are you okay?"
"Bey! Where's Bey!?" I yelled looking around.
"Shawn. Relax. She is working," Nicki spoke holding my hand. "Breathe with me. In, ohh. Out, hoo."
I followed her breathing for a few more minutes until I calmed down and finally went inside. I looked out the corner of my eye and saw Ansel crying while holding his book tightly.
"Ansel, what's wrong?"
"Daddy, hurt." He cried.
"No. Come here," I said bending down. I held my arms open and he came to hug me. "I'm okay now."
"Daddy c-can y-ou read this for me?" He asked holding the storybook up while wiping his tears.
"Yeah let's go to your room." As we were walking I had flashbacks of Demi and I. I shook my head and tried to concentrate on Ansel.
We reached his room and he handed me the book. I laid in bed with him and began reading. I wasn't even halfway done when Ansel fell asleep. I followed right after.
About an hour later I woke up and went down the kitchen to get a glass of water. I slowly drank it and went back upstairs to check on Ansel. I tucked him in so he could nap a little longer and went back to my room.
I laid down and fell asleep again. ~~~
"Shaaawn!" I heard a voice say.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. She had her back turned to me but I could see she was doing something. I slowly stood up and stretched.
She sounded different her voice was squeaky. I hugged her from behind and rubbed her ass. It felt smaller, her curves weren't the same.
She turned around and I gasped pushing her back. "What are you doing here!?" I yelled stepping back.
"What do you mean, baby? This is our house."
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"Get the fuck away from me!" I yelled.
"Baby, relax. It's your ex wife's death anniversary. You shouldn't be acting like this!" She tried to get close to me. It seemed like each step she took, the way to the doorway became longer. The place became darker, I couldn't move. I was stuck.
"What! No! We got back together! What!?" I began confused. I held my head as various thoughts invaded my brain. I was trying to keep out the memories but it seemed as if all I could see was sad. I finally gained movement and tried to run. It seemed like every step I took, I became even further away from the doorway. I was running but truthfully it felt like I was swimming, like something was holding me back. When I was finally out the room, I went down the journey of steps. Each one making a different crack sound as I walked. On the walls, all pictures of my family were gone. Each step felt like the staircase would give out under me. Every single photo of Beyoncé and I had disappeared. The pictures of my children were now gone. All photos were with Demi.
"Shawn!"
"Shawn!"
I quickly opened my eyes and shot up. I began breathing heavily. I tried to keep my eyes open but I was just really tired. I laid my hands on the soft surface of the bed and held myself up. I began looking around and saw Beyoncé standing there.
"Babe, are you okay?" She asked walking slowly towards me.
"I don't know what's happening to me," I teared up and felt my jaw locking. I laid my head in my hands. I felt her soft hand rub up and down my back slowly.
"Baby, I think it's best if we move. This house has held many memories, from Blue and Ansel being born to us going to college. We made our lives here but we can't continue to live. A lot of bad things have happened here too, and they are starting to haunt you. Nicki told me you passed out today."
"I don't know why I keep re-living that night. Every time I close my eyes I see her. I want it to stop. I know it's wrong. I don't want to see her. I don't want to remember it." I said stumbling over the words a little.
