It Imagines and Prefrences

Im Not Worth It. (Bill Imagine)

(Trigger warning)Depression, abuse and suicidal thoughts.

Some days are harder then others. Today was one of those days for you. Your mind was going a mile a minute and didn't seem like it was going to be stopping soon. You're worthless. No one loves you. You'd be better off dead. Those were the things going through you head as you walked down the unfamiliar path leading deeper into the woods. You wanted to get as far away from the real world as possible. You came to an opening in the path and you saw a cliff only a few feet away. You should jump.

You walked towards the cliffs edge and peaked over. Crystal blue water that seemed to go on for miles was down below. To the right some ways you saw a large pile of rocks that were near the shore of the water. You walked closer to the edge so your feet were hanging off. One jump onto the rocks and all your pain could be over. Everything in your life leading up to this moment was running through your head.

Your abusive  father throwing you to the ground and telling you how much of a worthless child you are. Your mom walking out on your family. Henry Bowers pushing you into lockers and beating you up almost everyday. This could all end if you just jum-

"So it l-l-looks like this s-s-s-pot isn't so s-s-s-secret anymore." That voice cut off the one in your head. You slowly turned your head to see a boy who you believed to be Bill Denbrough. He was in your English class. He sat right behind you.

You couldn't speak because you were scared if you did you would break down into tears. "A-a-are you okay?" Bill spoke again and this time you fully turned around and so your back was facing the edge of the cliff. "Y-yeah I'm fine. I'll leave if you were coming here for peace and quiet." You managed to get out your voice shaking at each world.

"N-n-no you're f-f-fine. I'm w-w-waiting for my f-f-friends to come. I c-c-could use s-s-some company." Bill had a smile on his face as he spoke. One that looked genuine and not forced. Unlike the one you wear every day.

"I'm not much of company I'll just let you be." Your voice cracked as the last word left your lips and a single tear fell from your face. You couldn't even end your life without getting in someone's way. Way to go.

"H-h-hey. You're c-c-crying." Bill said as you heard his footsteps come towards you. You stepped away and quickly wiped away any falling tears. "I'm fine. I'll just be on my way." You said swiftly turning around hoping to have the conversation end there but Bill grabbed your arm gently and turned you to face him. "W-w-w-why were you b-b-by the rocky e-e-edge of the c-c-cliff? He knew. He knew you were weak. He knows. When you didn't answer he spoke again. "P-p-p-please answer me y/n."

When your name left his lips you broke down. You dropped to your knees as loud cries except your lips. Bill hurried to you and embraced your small frame into a hug. "Y-y-you were g-going to j-j-jump." He said sadness laced in his voice. You didn't answer. You only cried more. He hugged you tighter and let you cry into his chest.

"I'm not worth it." You said  your voice muffled into his chest, but he heard you. He pulled away from you and you looked into his eyes. A single tear had fallen from his bright blue eyes. "You are worth it y/n l/n. You deserve to live and be happy. You are worth so much." He didn't stutter once as he spoke that to you. "Please s-stay,  for m-m-me." He said as another tear fell. A boy who had only sat in front of you in class had just saved your life. You wanted to stay. For him.

Depression and suicide is a very serious matter and I do not by any means want to romanticize those two things at all. I have been to the point of ending my life a couple of times and it is not something I would want anyone to think is cool or okay to do. I'm here for anyone who wants or needs to talk about problems or anything that is going on in their life. You are not alone. I love you all. 💜🎈