brooke
the next morning reeled in and even though i woke up, i felt terrible. i walked to the kitchen, more like stumbled. i tripped over my socks many times but somehow still kept my balance even if it was unsteady.
i got to the kitchen only to find more of a mess. things were thrown about, it was torn to pieces. i searched through the cabinet that once was holding all the medicine that usually kept me alive. as i searched through the messy cabinet, i couldn't find the advil.
i groaned putting a hand to my head. i decided to go into the bathroom and catch a quick look at myself just to see how bad the damage was, i knew i had to leave the house, might as well look like i've been having a grand ol' day.
i made my way to our small bathroom, the only bathroom might i add. i opened the wood door and stepped inside already feeling sick about looking in glass of the mirror. i looked quickly seeing the new bruises.
it was like i was living with my family all over again. but i loved him, part of me wanted every inch of him to be mine. he didn't want me though.
i didn't understand how i can hate someone but love them too at the same time, it made me feel lost. i was lost. i didn't know what i was doing anymore, sure i once had my life together but now i was taken off of work since i've had some medical issues that needed to be addressed.
i quickly brushed my hair down and brushed my teeth as well. i didn't spend anymore time in the bathroom, i didn't want to see the mess that i was now referred as.
he took the car, good thing town was only a mile from the house.
i changed into some sweatpants and a baggy sweater. it hides the sickening weight loss i had, the whole town knew me before he came into my life. granted i was always bruised and broken, that's how i was known, but now i was sickly skinny and losing every piece of myself slowly.
i put my hair into a messy ponytail since my hair was starting to thin anyways, much of it would be lost if i kept up with my unhealthy lifestyle.
i carried myself to the front door slouching over since my back ached. i opened the door letting the winter hit me. i raced back inside and reached for a jacket, the only one i could find was a leather jacket that probably wasn't even real leather.
i slipped it on hoping it would keep me warm during the short walk, like i said earlier it really was just over a mile and wouldn't take me over twenty-five minutes if i walked pretty fast.
i left the house for real this time letting the cold overtake me as i walked. the cold air made my nose sting, it was probably red as i rubbed at it letting the snot building up on the sleeve of my cheap jacket.
i shivered but this was all i owned.
~*~
i got to the corner shop half frozen. i reached for the cold handle of the door. this place was really a ghost town, i guess that's what you get for agreeing to move in with some guy who raped you. wants to be away from the hustle and bustle of down south or the city.
clifton park didn't get much life, but then again there was that one concert venue that no one ever went to. i told myself i would go and check out the shows after i got something for my headache that started to get worse with the cold weather.
maybe it was just my legs aching that made the whole walk feel miserable. i walked to the front of the corner drug store that was luckily heated. i let the warmth welcome me as i went to the section where all the over the counter drugs were.
i picked up two containers of advil to save myself a trip in the future but i dug in my pocket to find i only really had money for one so i put the other back and walked to the front counter. i pushed the crumpled five dollar bill, the only money i really had, to the heavy-set women working today.
she didn't bother with a smile as she scanned the item and pressed some buttons on the computer, i got the change back which was just a dollar and some cents. i shoved them into my pocket and walked out of the store with the advil in my hand. i took two hoping it would cause the pain to go away faster, wishful thinking i doubt you could even overdose on these things.
i stuck the receptacle of pills into my other pocket and zipped both back shut. when i stumbled back into the cold. i wasn't ready to go back home and face the things i had to do there. i found myself stumbling in the cold towards a venue. the venue had so many memories, i remembered all the time when i was free and i'd come here, it'd be so much fun.
i walked towards the box office, i remembered when kaylea used to work here and sneak us in but who'd stay in such a ghost town. i knew she had better ideas. so what was i doing swaying over to the box office in the cold? why was i hoping she'd be in there waiting around for me to come down here.
if someone asked i could push it aside by saying i wanted to see what band was playing. i walked to the box office looking over the poster of bands playing before moving forwards a little to peer into the box that someone worked the tickets in.
my eyes widened. "kay?" i asked quietly, barely above a whisper but i knew she heard by the way her head snapped. her smile welcomed me like the old days. "you've got tickets for tonight?!" she asked, she was excited.
she looked like she hadn't seen the sunlight in a little while with her pale complexions and all. she looked at broken as i probably did. "what happened to you." she asked looking over my closely. "all those bruises and stuff." she pointed out the things i tried to cover.
"i've always been anemic." i covered up almost too quickly for it to be believable but she was always easily tricked so she just nodded. "i thought you moved off years ago." i could see the want of conversation. it'd been years since i had been around in the town or even around the old friends i had.
"well... i met someone and he wanted to move back." i told her rolling my shoulders back at the attempt to not shudder at the speaking of the one person who hurt me the most. "oh, so are you coming tonight?" she asked glancing at the box that surrounded her before she finally stepped out of it to face me head on.
we both shivered in the cold even though i had my heaviest and warmest coat on. she was out here in just her leggings and a knit grey sweater.
"i heard the band's pretty good." she mumbled biting her lip lightly. "i don't have tickets." i looked down at the inch of snow that was hardly coating the plowed vacant driveway of the venue. "i could get you in like the good old days." her smile appeared. i remembered her smile that lit up the world.
"that would be delightful but my boyfriend is going to be around tonight, what time does it start?" i ached for some kind of escape from my melancholy life right now.
"i think doors are at 7 but you can come earlier and we can hang... i've missed you brookie cookie." she said using our old and very childish nicknames. i chuckled. "i'll see. i much rather be here with you." i told her with a grin she nodded as i turned on my heel and started to leave.
"WAIT!" she called. i turned around. "please be safe. i don't like seeing you all beat and living a life you look like you're miserable in. i love you brook." i nodded unsure of how to respond. i rushed off because i hated seeing her look of pity, anyone's look of pity. i was fine, perfectly fine. better than fine even. i didn't need someone telling me that i should seek help.
