Scars Upon Stars

Considering.

I'm really sorry for not updating. bUT I COME BACK & THIS HAS OVER A THOUSAND READS.

WHAT THE FRICK FRACK SNICK SNACK PADDY WACK THUMBTACK QUARTERBACK TIC TAC BIOFEEDBACK.

so um yeah.

i'll try to make this longer but my laptop's dying.

...

Fuck. 

The first thing I thought when my alarm went off. Yet another day to spend in Hell. Just what I fucking want. 

I slowly, but surely rolled out of bed to start my morning routine. 

I can barely concentrate because Evan keeps invading my thoughts. I know for a fact he's gonna want an answser today, but I don't know if I can give it to him. I mean, maybe he isn't a complete & total douche-copter. Maybe he'll turn out to be a sweet guy, unlike the last guy.

The reason I'm being so hesitant with Evan, is because of my last boyfriend, Tyler.

See, because of Tyler I ended up attempting suicide. I figured killing myself was the only way I could get out of that relationship. Tyler abused me. Both physically, and mentally. I started turning to things like self harm, and alcohol. I even did drugs for a time, but I just couldn't bring myself to end it.

My mom told me the reason I stayed was because we accept the love we think we deserve. I think that was it too.

I just really don't want to get into the wrong relationship again. I'm afraid if I get too attached, he'll hurt me worse. I just don't think I'm mentally stable enough for that yet.

But on the other hand, I really want to give Evan a chance. 

Time heals all wounds I guess.

*     *     *

By the time Carleigh came to pick me up, my head was swarming with thoughts and emotions. I really want to give Evan a chance, I just don't know if I can gather the courage for it.

I looked at Carleigh, "Carleigh, I really want to give Evan a chance, but after Tyler..." I trailed off. She nodded.

"I know it's been difficult. But remember, no matter what happens your best friend is always here to choke a hoe." 

"I love you. I'm seriously so lucky to have you. I think... I think I'm going to try, to um give him a chance." 

Carleigh smiled. "You need to move on sooner or later Shay. Why not sooner?" 

She had a point. I need to stop living in the past. 

I nodded. As soon as I can, I'm going to find Evan.Then tell him. Hopefully. If I don't chicken out. 

*     *     *

As I was walking to my locker, I spotted a familiar head of black hair. I looked down and started walking faster.

"Shayley!", he called. 

Well shit. It's too late to back out now.

I took a deep breath, and turned in his general direction.

Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.

"Hi," I muttered. 

"Hey," he smiled. "How's that uh... thinking going?" He said it with a hint of hope. It was pretty obvious he didn't want it to show because he cringed not even a second later.

"I thought. A lot... um, I think that, if it's alright with you, I could uh give you a chance."

His eyes lit up, with both mischeif and joy. The joy part was new. 

"Are you serious?" he asked incredulously. 

"No," I said in a flat tone. His face fell and I smirked. "I'm kidding. I think I should give this, whatever this is, a chance."

"So um, does mean we should go on like, a date?", he asked awkwardly. I chuckled.

"Pick me up. Corner of Cherry Street (if you get that reference, I love you), Friday at around 6:30," with that, I walked away, with a sort of giddy smirk on my face. I don't even care how stupid I look. For the first time in a year and a half, I felt free, happy.