Loving You Still {Z.M}

Thirteen

Esme.

It's been three months since Zayn purposed to me. Three months and a week since I've been back in England after leaving the greatest program I ever attended. I still think about my time there if I'm being honest. I made friends and even had a great life.

I told everyone the reason why I left was because I was missing my family and Zayn. That's not the case. Yes I did miss them but it was something much bigger than that.

I never thought I would be capable on dating someone other than Zayn but it happened.

And I screwed him over big time.

His name was Logan Pierce. Gorgeous. He has sandy brown hair that he always swept to the side. Sparkling green eyes with a flicker of grey. Dimples that drive everyone crazy. Muscles that every girl wanted to touch. A body every girl died to be with. And he decided to choose me.

Typically, I rejected him several times being that I was in a committed relationship with Zayn. But after a while, I gave in. It was just supposed to be one date. Then it turned into something more. I remembered everything the day I revealed everything to him.

Flashback

I stand in his room, shock is evident on his face by my sudden revelation. His green eyes are staring at me holding so much emotion I feel like a total bitch for saying anything. His body is tense and slightly slouched over. Searching for any fakeness to my sudden truth.

"W-What do you mean you have a boyfriend? We've been together for two and half months Esme." Logan states aspirated, his hands tossing up in the air showing off serious he is about everything. I nod slowly, letting him know that I know that.

"Yeah." That's all I can muster up right now. Logan revealed everything to me. Why he came to the program, to escape the alcoholic asshole who was his dad and gold digging step mother. Why he never dated before me, because he fell in love with a girl before she took her own life due to bullying. Why he trusted me so much, because he was in love with me.

"You're telling me the last two and half months are lies and you're just leaving like that?" Logan asks, his features now grim. All I can do is nod slowly, Logan shakes his head looking down at the ground. How he's feeling is pretty evident right now. He seems to be deep in thought.

"I can't believe you lead me on Esme. I told you I fell for you hard!" Logan accuses of me and all I do is nod. I told him I wanted to break up with him because all I wanted was something new and fresh. I didn't care about the consequences about everything.

I wanted to do something to forget about the raven haired boy I fell in love with in England. This is my new life I needed something new. That's why I got myself involved with Logan in the first place.

"I understand that but I have a boyfriend back home. I don't need to jeopardize that for you." I say, I realize how rude I sound but it's the truth. I never let anything for Logan. He stares at me like he doesn't even recognize me anymore. He probably doesn't.

"Everyone told me you were a bad choice to date. They all thought you were with someone but I never listened because I thought you were different Esme." Logan says shaking his head, looking down at the ground. His fingers grip the hem of his own tee shirt. I'm taking his heart and crushing it.

I've never done something like this before. I never used someone for my own benefit. I'm not like that. I would never cheat on someone but I did. I need to leave. I need to leave before this gets back to me and everything turns out horribly.

End of flashback.

I jump when someone touches my shoulder. I turn my head meeting the brown eyes I'm crazy for. His features are filled with concern. Probably because I'm staring outside his window of his bedroom. I turn around to face him instead of facing the window.

"You alright baby?" Zayn asks me, his hand grabbing my waist drawing me closer to me. I nod slowly, as my hands rest against his upper arms. I put a smile on my lips, a real smile. This man has done nothing but love me and yet I went behind his back trying to forget him with some other boy.

"Alright. You looked deep in thought. I wanted to make sure you were alright." Zayn says softly, my arms circle around his neck bringing my lips closer to his. I just let kiss him. Not because I want to forget all the memories. Because this is the man I love and we've been through hell and back.

After our brief kissing moment, he says he needs to work on some coursework. He's taking some college classes online while juggling a job at the local library. Doesn't seem like him but he loves reading which I'm very proud. I stumble my way into the hallway hearing Justine and Brayden talking in their room. I make sure no moans or pleads are being exchanged as I open the door.

Justine is sitting on his computer desk chair while Brayden lies on the bed. His stomach on the mattress, his eyes facing his girlfriend. She describing a moment at school where some girl pushed her and she almost fought the girl. She's told me this story.

I clear my throat making myself known. Justine stops talking, her heads turns meeting my eyes. I don't even have to say a word before she nods at me standing up. She walks over to the bed kissing Brayden's cheek.

"Girl talk. Don't miss me too much." Justine states dramatically. Brayden rolls his eyes but a grin is pulling at his lips. His head tilts to the side as he sends a wink to my best friend. I roll my eyes as I lead us out of my brothers bedroom and into the kitchen. Hopefully we won't be bothered.

"What's on your mind?" Justine asks me, drawing her hands in front of her as she stares at me. I feel slightly uncomfortable but I know she's doing this because I'm her best friend and she's willing to listen to everything I say.

So I tell her. I tell her from the day I met Logan, to the first date we shared and our first kiss. Then I explain to her why I did it and what happened between the both of us. As I finish the story, she hasn't said a word. She's just staring at me.

"Wow. That's-... I wasn't expecting that one." Justine murmurs which makes me feel even worse. I never thought I would use a guy for the sole purpose of trying to move on. While my boyfriend waited for me somewhere else.

"I haven't talked about it to anyone before. Maybe I should've spoken to Zayn about everything but I'm afraid he'll dump me or something." I admit quietly. Justine stares at me before her hands covers mine.

"Don't worry about it hun. He's madly in love with you. You should talk to him about it sooner rather than later." Justine says gently, and I nod. I know she's right, I'm just scared that he won't see me as fiancée material anymore and I'm beyond scared about it.

"Let's change topics shall we? I want to move in here but I don't know how to purpose the idea to Brayden." Justine says with a sigh as she glances over at the doorway. Brayden walks in right after she says that.

Even though I live with Parker, Brayden will always be my favorite brother. Parker and I get along and everything. But Brayden is something I depend on a lot. Speaking of which, Justine is staring at him longingly.

"What are you two girls talking about?" Brayden asks casually, grabbing a water bottle before leaning against the counter staring at the both of us but looking more at his girlfriend than me.

"Having sex with Zayn." Justine says, with a slight smirk. I watch as Brayden starts choking on his water. Zayn comes waltzing in but stops in the doorway as he watches his friend choke on the water he just digested.

"Fuck what did I walk into?" Zayn asks and I let out a small laugh, as Brayden finally calms down but not after sending Justine a nasty glare that is playful.

"I'm taking you out baby." Zayn states and I smile even brighter. But what I didn't know is that my night will be ending terribly.

New chapter everyone. Sorry it kind of sucks and it's short sorry ):