A Series Of Letters {Adopted by Palaye Royale}

Chapter Thirty

***trigger warning***

I'm sitting on the counter, changing Remington's bandages as I have been for the past four days. "You're healing pretty great," I say as I lightly trace my fingers over the wounds. I redo the bandages and secure the ace bandage with a clamp. I hop off the counter. "You have therapy tonight," I tell him. Remington groans and throws his head back over dramatically. "Stop. I'll be there and you promised me. Go get ready," He stomps off to the stairs. 

I'm eleven weeks and two days pregnant. My bump is growing everyday. The baby is now the size of a lime...which is pretty large when you think about something that size nestled in your uterus. I'm now closer to my second trimester than I am to the first trimester. Only a few more weeks now. My linea nigra is here. The darkened brown line running from my belly button to my waistband will be there until I stop breastfeeding, if I chose to do that. I'm still not sure. If anything I think I'll pump and feed...just to make it easier on the guys. Yeah...that's probably it. 

Remington ordered an Uber some time ago; and when he walks down the stairs he says it's outside. "Going to therapy!" I call throughout the house. Sebastian acknowledges it with a yell, and Rem and I walk out the house and enter the Uber.

$$$$$$

Remington's therapist walks down the stairs into the lobby. She's a bit on the heavier side, with clear framed glasses, green eyes, and strawberry blonde hair. She's wearing a floral patterned sun dress with a pair of sandals. "Hi, Remington. I'm Kaci." He gets to his feet and shakes her hand. She turns to me. "Hi, I'm Kaci. And you are?" 

"I uh...Lottie." I look up to Remington.

"How are you related to him?" My heart stops. I've never thought of how to introduce myself in relativity to them.  

"Uh...niece? Daughter? Um...you could say I'm his support system." Kaci smiles at me. 

"Okay, Remington. Are you ready?" He glances over at me uneasily. I nod at him and gesture for him to take a deep breath. He does so, and tells Kaci he's ready. Remmi wraps his arms around me one more time.

"If you need me...I'm right down here. Okay?" He nods and takes in an uneasy breath. "I love you. You're getting the help you need." Remington kisses my shoulder once and heads upstairs with the therapist. 

I stay sat at the table on my phone, my leg bouncing beside me. About halfway through the hour long appointment I have to pop a Zofran to help ease my nausea. This entire pregnancy I've been nauseous and feeling sick all day long, and to be fair I am quite sick of it. But, I wouldn't trade this baby for the world. I love them, even if I've never met them. Even if they're a reminder of what I'd rather not be reminded of, I love them. Because they're mine...and I'm gonna give them the life they deserve.

Caden rants to me about his date over text. I don't mind. He seems happy; and he had a ton of fun. All I want is for my best friend to be happy, so I'm overjoyed. If he's happy, all is good.

I remember how I found out Caden was gay. I got a call in the middle of the night, around three or four a.m., from his Mom. I felt uneasy about it, but I had no idea why she was calling. I found out soon enough. Caden was in the hospital. A few guys had found him gushing blood and covered in bruises outside a bar. His lip was busted, his face gushing, his body marked in a bad way. I rushed to the hospital, and worriedly tried to find out what was wrong. In the ER, Caden laid on a bloody sheet, knees to his chest as he shook and sobbed. 

They had found him and his boyfriend and be the shit out of both of them. Caden had only been with the guy for about a week, so nobody knew. None of us even knew he was gay. Caden was called a 'faggot', a 'dike', and he was chucked to the ground so hard his skull is indented. He got the shit kicked out of his sides. They pulled him up and bashed his head back in. His boyfriend got the worst of it. He was chucked into a building, shards of glass impaling him. Then, as Caden crawled to safety, they took a hammer to his skull.

Caden survived that day.

Colton wasn't as lucky.

I'm snapped out of the awful memory by Kaci appearing in front of me. "He asked for you," I nod, following Kaci up the two flights of stairs and then halfway down the carpeted hallway to her office. Remington's sat in a blue plush chair next to an open window. His arms open, and I walk into them, sitting on his lap and tucking my head into his neck. 

"What's wrong?" I whisper as his arms lock around me. 

"I had a panic attack and I just need you here right now." I nod, cuddling further into him. When Remington has attacks, he needs to be comforted and cuddled and reminded he's okay. I just sit there on his lap and enjoy the feeling of being held. Kaci asks Remington if he's okay, and I feel him nod against the top of my head. I'm much shorter than him, so the top of my skull comes to about his chin. 

The therapist continues to ask questions to Remington. I know his answers before he speaks, and that makes me really proud. I've been with him for not even a year, and I already know him so well. Remington's lips touch the skin right behind my ear. "Can you go into the hall for a second?" He mutters against my skin. I nod.

"Yeah, of course." I step outside, where I sit on the ground and scroll through Twitter and Instagram for a few minutes before heading to the app I've been using for this pregnancy, called The Bump. (***A/N: This is fuckin not sponsored just so you know.***) It gives me new info on my baby every day. How they're growing and changing. What I should be doing and what I should buy. It's been really helpful. Especially the part of it that tells me which tests to order and such. That helps me going into appointments. I pop another Zofran. Morning sickness my ass, I mutter subconsciously as I chase down the awful taste left on my tongue. I've felt sick from the moment the little embryo formed in my uterus. 

Kaci grabs me from the hall some time later. I've only just stepped into the office when Remington's pulling me tight into his arms.  I hug him back with just as much force as he buries his face in my hair. "Hey," I whisper ever so gently. "It's okay. I'm here. You're okay." His breathing is even, which is a good sight. I push back on his arms slightly, just enough to see his face. I reach up and collect his tears on the pads of my fingers while nodding. "It's okay," I promise him. Remmi's eyes shut easily, his arms tighten around me, and he nods. He recognizes it. He's gonna be okay. He's going to make it through this alive...and that's all that matters.

The rest of the therapy session I'm curled up on Remington's lap. I love doing this with any of the boys. I feel so safe, just nestled peacefully in their arms. And in this very moment, I know nothing can hurt me. Remington is getting the help he needs, and as he instinctively tightens his hold on me, I know I'm completely safe.

***A/N: TWO THINGS HOLY SHIT THIS IS CHAPTER THIRTY AND HOLY FUCK THERE'S 4.6K OF YOU!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING ME I LOVE YOU AND PLEASE MESSAGE ME WHENEVER YOU FEEL***