forest fic - joshler [repost from original author]

t y l e r

"Tyler, your psychiatrist and I want to start you on a new kind of drug," Dr. Paulson says as Tyler sits down.

"What?" Tyler asks as he picks out a purple lollipop. "Don't you remember how it went last time?"

"Not antipsychotics," Dr. Paulson says. "That was a mistake, I know." He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "That was a mistake."

"What kind of drug, then?" Tyler asks, unwrapping the lollipop and popping it in his mouth.

"Lorazepam," Dr. Paulson says. He pauses. "Ativan."

Tyler frowns. "Doesn't that treat anxiety?" Am I anxious? he wonders to himself.

"It also treats insomnia," Dr. Paulson says. "Frankly, Tyler, you're starting to look like a skeleton. One in need of a good night's sleep."

Tyler shrugs. "I think I'm okay."

Dr. Paulson sighs. "Your mother told me she can hear you talking to yourself at three in the morning. Every single night."

Tyler opens his mouth to say that it's not himself he's talking to, but decides against it.

"I'm okay," he says instead.

"Tyler, I really don't think you're getting enough sleep," Dr. Paulson says softly. "You look exhausted all the time."

"I'm fine."

"Tyler, this is honestly what I think is best for you," Dr. Paulson says gently.

Tyler glares at him. "And why do you care about what's best for me?" He leans forward, undaunted. "I don't think you do," he says, placing his hand over his cheek deliberately.

Dr. Paulson's expression drops. "Tyler," he begins, stopping. "Tyler, I'm so, so sorry about that."

Tyler rolls his eyes, leaning back. "Whatever."

The doctor sighs, rubbing his eyes. "There's no excuse for that," he says. "But Tyler, this really is for your own good." He pulls out another piece of paper and jots something down on it. "I'm going to talk to your parents, and once I have their approval, we're going to start you on Ativan. Okay, Tyler?"

"Whatever," Tyler says again.

Dr. Paulson sighs again, rubbing the ring on his left finger. "Okay. Now, Tyler, I thought-"

"Stop that," Tyler says, irritated.

Dr. Paulson pauses. "Stop what?"

"Stop putting my name in every other sentence you direct to me," Tyler says. "I know my name now, okay?"

"Force of habit, T- force of habit," Doctor Paulson says.

Tyler chuckles dryly. "I hate my name," he tells his doctor.

"And why's that?" Dr. Paulson asks, scratching something down on his notepad.

"It's just a reminder."

Dr. Paulson pauses. "A reminder of what?"

"It's just another reminder that no one's actually unique," Tyler says. "No one's actually special."

Dr. Paulson sets his notepad onto the desk, looking intrigued. "Elaborate?" he requests.

"Certainly," Tyler says. "You know, there's someone out there named Tyler Joseph. Maybe not now, but there will be. Maybe even both, depending on how long I live." He pauses, tapping his chin. "And if there really are infinite universes, there are an infinite number of Tyler Josephs, saying the exact same thing that I'm saying, thinking the exact same thing that I'm saying. Yes, there are an infinite number of worlds where Tyler Joseph is a plumber who crossdresses in his free time and has never once considered other universes, but that would mean there are also an infinite number of worlds that are an exact replica of this one. And if that's true, there's no reason for anyone to feel special." Tyler hums thoughtfully. "You could always argue, of course, that there may be no such thing as parallel universes, but even so, there's still going to be someone with your name in your past, present, or future. And I read that everyone has a doppelgänger on this earth, although the two doppelgängers may not live at the same time." Tyler sighs. "What's the point in being unique?"

Dr. Paulson stares at him. "...and that's why you don't like your name?"

Tyler laughs a little. "A rather wordy version of why, yes."

"It's definitely interesting," Dr. Paulson tells him. "I'm definitely going to think long and hard about it later."

"Good," Tyler tells him honestly. "I think everyone should think about it at least once in a while. Food for thought, you know."