forest fic - joshler [repost from original author]

b a c k h a n d

Tyler's mom hasn't let him out of her sight since he told her he had sex with Josh.

He hopes Josh will understand why he hasn't been out to make amends yet.

His mom has only left his side to call a few people and to talk to his dad.

"I'm just going to go say hi to your siblings, okay?" his mom says, when they hear the garage door open. "I'll be right back."

Tyler nods slowly.

He can hear his mom greeting his brother and sister when there's a tap on the living room window. He looks out to see Josh standing there, waving cautiously.

Tyler runs to the window, opening it.

"Hi," he says cautiously.

"Come on," Josh says, gesturing out to the woods behind them.

Tyler bites his lip. "My mom'll freak out if she comes back and I'm not here," he says.

Josh sighs. "Please?" he says. "I'm sorry, Tyler. I didn't mean to yell. Please. I'm sorry."

Tyler sighs, looking out. "Fine," he murmurs, climbing out of the window.

"Hi," Josh says softly, cautiously taking his hand. "Can we talk?"

"Okay," Tyler says, and they walk, hand-in-hand, into the forest.

"I'm sorry that I blew up at you like that," Josh apologizes once they're safely hidden in the trees.

"I'm sorry I said I understood," Tyler says. "I don't understand. I don't know what I was thinking."

Josh smiles, C major lips a little sad. "Everybody's fucking sorry," he whispers, and Tyler leans in and kisses him.

Josh's eyes are closed when he pulls back, and he looks peaceful.

"Sing," he says, eyes still closed.

"What?" Tyler asks, taken aback.

"Sing," Josh repeats.

"What do you want me to sing?" Tyler says, bewildered.

Josh shrugs. "Something everyone would know."

"Um." Tyler pauses. For some reason, all he can think of is "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

Josh finally opens his eyes when Tyler finishes. "Thank you," he says.

"Sure," Tyler says.

They walk deeper into the forest, hands still clasped together.

"Have you ever noticed," Josh begins, squinting up at the darkening sky, "that when you squeeze your eyes together, everything changes?"

"Yeah," Tyler says. "Not dramatically, though. Just enough to be unnerving."

"Yeah." Josh snaps his fingers. "Like that- that guy. With the covered faces. Red-August-L name."

"Um," Tyler says, thinking. "Uh, René Magritte?"

"Yel- yes, him," Josh says. "Everything's not quite what it should be."

Tyler nods slowly, squinting around the forest. Everything has a slightly eerie gloom to it, slightly off. He shivers, looking back at Josh, who- who isn't who he's supposed to look like.

"You're not quite what you should be," Tyler says without thinking.

Josh stiffens, and Tyler thinks he's going to yell again, but Josh just squeezes Tyler's hand.

"That's okay," he whispers, "as long as you remember me."

Tyler squeezes back.

They walk in thick silence, all green-orange. Tyler can sort of taste it.

"What if this isn't real?" Tyler says suddenly.

Josh frowns. "In what way?"

"In the way it's all in my mind," Tyler clarifies. Josh cocks his head.

"Well, of course it's all in your mind," he says, and Tyler blinks.

"What?"

"This is all in your mind," Josh says, gesturing. "But that doesn't mean it's not real."

Tyler sighs. "Yes, but what if all this-" he gestures around, "is only in my mind?"

Josh shrugs. "Then it would still be real, wouldn't it? If you can see it, if you can feel it, why wouldn't it be real?"

"I- I don't know," Tyler says, frowning. "Maybe because it isn't real for anyone else."

"So?"

"So, maybe you're not real."

Josh freezes, looking at Tyler. "What?"

"Maybe you're not real," Tyler repeats.

Josh is shaking his head. "No, don't say that."

"Everyone tells me you aren't," Tyler says. "My therapists, my psychologist, my parents-"

"Don't listen to them," Josh says firmly, staring into Tyler's eyes. "Don't listen. You can see me, right? Hear me?" He squeezes Tyler's hand. "Feel me?"

"Hallucination?" Tyler offers.

"One that kisses you?" Josh retorts.

Tyler shakes Josh's hand off in favor of burying his head in his hands.

"Tyler, I'm real," Josh snaps. "Do you hear me?"

"Let me think!" Tyler yells back.

"I told you to remember me!" Josh growls. "Did you think that up yourself? Am I really just your imagination?"

"Shut up!" Tyler screams, hands over his ears. "Shut up shut up shut up!"

"Listen to me!"

"You're not real!"

"Yes I am!"

"You're not real!"

"I am! Tyler, listen-"

"Not real, not real, not real-"

And then Josh backhands him across the face.

They both freeze.

"Did- did you just-"

"Tyler," Josh gasps out. "Tyler, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"Get away from me."

"Oh, Tyler, I'm so-"

"Leave me alone!" Tyler screams. "Get away from me!"

"Tyler, please, I'm sorry!"

"Stay away!" he shrieks, running towards his home.

"Tyler!"

Tyler screams, tears running down his cheeks. He runs into the light of his house, bangs on the door, and his brother opens it.

"Tyler! Mom's been so-"

Tyler runs past him, sobbing as he dashes into his room. He collapses on his bed, not even bothering to lock the door.

He burrows under the blankets, curls up, and falls asleep.