360... Plus 5

23

Sejuk badan sya masa Chris pg peluk sya.  Sya blh sense his sincerity.  It was just a simple hug,  tiada pun tanda2 yg dia mau buat lebih2.  Hujan lebat suda di luar tu,  tp sya ndak tidur ni. Sya igt Chris tidur,  rupanya dia pun msh bgn. Tiba2 ja dia panggil nama sya.

C: Shirley… tidur suda?

C: why did you left Shirley? Tell me.  Please.. Jgn la diam2 ni kali. I want to know everything.

Sya tutup mata sya. Pura2 ndak dengar. Pura2 tidur. Tiba2 sya rasa tgn Chris pigi pegang perut sya….

C: i know you're not sleeping.  This is not the first time we've slept together.

Dr td dia curi dialog sya tau.  Dia msh igt ka ni semua yg sya ckp mlm sebelum sya kasi tggl dia?

C: that night… before you left… you're trying to tell me that you're pregnant,  mgpa ko x jujur seja.  Bgtau that it's mine.

Tgn Chris sapu lembut perut sya. Mungkin sebab mood mlm ni.  Ataupun the rain.  Tp sya mau bgtau semua nya sma Chris.

S: you say IF it's your child. IF.

C: so? I was mad at you. I didn't meant it.

Sya duduk baru Chris pun duduk. Kami bersila mengadap satu sma lain ni.  Sya ndak kasi hidup lampu.  Ada juga cahaya dr lampu d ruang tamu.  Ndak juga gelap betul.

S: you said IF.  Means yg ko x percaya sya.  Kalau sya bgtu time tu camana pun you will not trust me.

C: and how do you know that?

S: i told you so many times yg sya dgn max ndak buat apa2 but you refused to believe.

Makin heated suda discussion kami ni. Tp dua2 pun control suara, nnt Tris terbangun.

C: so try harder.  I believe what i saw Shirley.  Do you know how much I'm hurting back then?

S: i know.  And I'm sorry.  I will turn back the time if i could.

C: i already forgive you the first time you apologize.  I just want you to try harder to show that you still love me. Memang kalau masa tu ko bgtau tu anak sya,  sya susah mau percaya,  tp sya xkan lari.  I love u so much to just .. Let you go.  But you left.  Just like that. 

S: i left you a letter.

C: and do you know how much I'm hurting because of the letter Shirley? That short words you wrote? It just shows that you've given up on me.  On us.

S: i said that i loved you.

C: yes.  Loved me. LOVED ME.  Do you still love me Shirley?

Sya tgk muka Chris, closely,  sya ndak sedar pun yg kami dua2 mnangis time ni. I still do Chris.  Tapi..  Sya xtau kenapa sya xblh ckp. Chtis pegang dua2 pipi sya, sambil lap air mata sya guna thumb dia. Matanya tgk sya,  penuh harapan ni.

C: do you Shirley? Babe? Do you still love me?

Dlm hati sya berabis ckp yes yes.  Tp mulut sya berat betul mau sebut. Terus sya mengeluh.  Sya pegang wrist dia baru sya tarik tgn dia kasi turun dr muka sya.  Sya bgn dr katil terus sya mau keluar dr bilik tapi Chris pun bgn dari katil baru dia pegang bahu sya dua2, kasi mengadap sya sma dia.

C: do you Shirley?

Msh lagi dia tnya soalan yg sma.  Sya mau juga tampar2 mulut sya skrg ni.  Mgpa sya x dapat mau ckp ni? Last2 sya menangis.  Sya tutup muka sya guna tgn sya baru sya nangis berabis.

S: i don't know.  I don't know. I don't know.

Sya dgr bunyi Chris menangis ni.  Sya buka mata,  sya nampak Chris melutut suda depan sya.