The Overthinking Addict

Irony

Sometimes I sit and wonder if I'll ever see beyond the barriers. If I'll crawl my way through or just accept that these hindrances are a sign that I'm not supposed to be anything greater than that which I am. Maybe I was meant to live a mediocre life. I've strived and struggled, fighting yet falling into the depths of disappointment over and over again. The more I step forward, the more I must constantly pay for the temporary happines I've had. Suffering in silence, I take my problems to a blank notebook page. And he listens, as I scribble and make points as clear as day, he keeps in secrecy the things I wish to say. Like how tired I am and frustrated with society for not seeing me in the ways that he has seen. Tear after tear and soon they became red. Droplets of blood and an ache in my head, that caused the knot in my stomach to multiply in size, so messed up, I started writing my goodbyes on the same notebook I once sought refuge. He begged me to think this over, but I refused. Unlikely of me to overthink things since I always do. But a strong wind blew and it turned my page. It told me that I am strong and I will get through this, this was the woman I was, the person that I missed. Who wrote positive notes full of happiness and glee. Sadly times have changed, that's no longer me. But it showed me the hell I've endured and I was still standing. So why give up now? Over thinking my decision, I found bliss in my own toxicity. What I thought would would be the death of me, actually saved me. And to be here, writing this today, I.. am ...proud.