The Overthinking Addict

Finding Myself..

The nostalgia's bittersweet. I hate the days, the nights ..but I missed the moments where I had the time to find myself. All despite my mistakes that i made time and time again, I'd be lying if I said I didn't know. I knew. I found myself a long time ago in this strange little world. It felt like showing up at a costume party with regular clothes on. I thought I needed to change into something more appropriate for the occasion but I just tweaked the personality. Dressed up in my own skin, in my own clothes, breathing with my very own lungs, I lied and said I came here as a girl who had it all figured out. Because a girl who knew what she wants, was horrifying to pretty much anyone who was trying to be someone else. Walking through the crowded rooms, there were stares from everyone that i didn't have the time to explain myself to. No, scratch that, I did have the time I just didn't feel like explaining. And that's how it goes, I was afraid to be myself in a world filled with lies. That will always be my biggest mistake. The times I had to constantly compare myself to everyone else in the room because I came here with more than they all bargained for. I punished myself for having more heart, more soul than anyone else. I almost overdosed on ill thoughts of myself because they didn't understand. They never understand that we all never really get the memo. Some of us just don't really care about being updated on their silly charades and immature dispositions. Some of us just want to open our windows at night and tell the moon the secrets we've been holding inside for so long. When you look up at the sky, you'll see the stars that have been holding them hostage because she never tells. And when these stars shine, you'd know its because of you. I guess that's why we all contemplate our lives sitting under them each night.