*Trigger warning. If you self-harm please don't read this chapter if it is going to trigger you.*
~Monday Morning
I wake up to my alarm going off and my head pounding. I rise up out of bed trying to remember last night. Unfortunately I can’t. Shit I wonder what happened.
I undress walk into my bathroom turn the water on and soak in the bath until I realize that I am now late to school. I would say Carly is going to kill me but she doesn’t give a shit either way. I stay in the tub a little while longer and then get out, dry myself off and change.
Before I walk downstairs I take a few pills to make my pounding headache go away and to numb my pain. Mondays are the worst for me. I hate going to school that’s why I either show up late or not at all. This is how I got in trouble last time but I really don’t care. Going to school in juvie was better than school here.
I skip breakfast like always and text Calry to be ready in 10 minutes. She replies super fast and says okay.
I hop in my car making sure not to forget my pills and sweatshirt to hide my arms. This is my daily routine so it all feels normal to me.
When I arrive at Carly's house 10 minutes later I honk the horn to see her stagger out of the front door looking in worse shape than I am in.
“Damn girl what happened last night?” I ask her while rubbing my throbbing head.
“Shit you don’t know either? I was going to ask you the same thing.” We both laugh at the fact that we are both clueless about last night.
We pull up to the school, jump out of the car and try to walk to the office unseen by any of our teachers. Unfortunately that did not go as planned. Out of nowhere comes my AP Biology teacher Ms. Miller, wow she is so hot today. I have literally had a crush on her since freshman year.
“And where do you think you’re going Ms. Karter?” she says in her sexy raspy voice.
Kalliegh quit thinking like that you are with Nicole and Ms. Miller is straight so you have no shot with her
“We are going to the office to sign in. We had a late night and overslept. Sorry about missing your class.” I said all bummed out because I missed out on seeing her for two hours.
“Off you go then. Get to the office before Mrs. Bobo or Ms. Czaja notice you are late. They are not happy with you.” She says before shooing us away.
Wait? Why are they not happy with me? What did I do besides oversleep? Carly and I continued to walk to the office in silence.
“Karter! Get in this office right now!” yelled Mrs. Bobo from the doorway. I shot Chantel a worried glance but she shrugged it off hoping that would comfort me. I slowly walked toward her office but before I could get there she had walked toward me and began dragging me in and slammed the door behind us.
“Woah. What the hell did I do?” I asked unaware of why I was being yelled at.
“Kalliegh what did you do this weekend? Tell me every detail. Actually wait let me get Ms. Czaja in here. She should be involved with this as well.” Mrs. Bobo stated with such force I was afraid to even move let alone speak.
What did happen this weekend? I was so stoned and drunk that I can’t really recall anything that occurred. What if I did something bad, something illegal? I can’t go back to juvie not now. Shit. My mind is racing trying to piece together this weekend. It did get pretty crazy so I wouldn’t say anything is off limits.
A sudden knock and opening of the door brought me back into reality. Unfortunately it was just Ms. Czaja. I seriously can’t wait until I graduate and get away from these stupid ass people.
“Kalliegh we have asked you in here because we are concerned about you. We thought you were going to turn your behavior around but you did the complete opposite this weekend. Do you even remember it?” Mrs. Bobo asked with pleading eyes.
I thought to myself for a minute and then started. “You know a lot happened this weekend so you might have to refresh my memory.”
“Do you remember driving Saturday night to my house, knocking on my door at 3am crying hysterically saying you just want help and for this nightmare to be over?” Ms. Czaja asked with a concerned and worried look on her face. I honestly hated that face so much. It made me feel so worthless but I would never tell her that. They would just lock me up again and I can’t have that.
“Are you sure that was me because I am pretty sure I was with my girlfriend in bed at 3am.” I replied not breaking eye contact with Ms. Czaja.
“Kalliegh I am positive it was you and I knew you wouldn’t remember because you reeked of booze and weed. I thought you were sober? We had a deal and apparently you broke it not caring about the consequences.” Ms. Czaja stated knowing that I knew she was right and that I had broken a promise we had made to each other.
“Okay. I’m sorry for breaking the promise. I relapsed. What can I say shit happens.”
“But why Kalliegh. You need to open to us. We can help you.” All I saw when she said that was a look of pity nothing more nothing less and that is the part I hated the most.
“I don’t need help. I’m fine. I can handle this on my own like always. I’m sorry I showed up on your doorstep. It won’t happen again. Please can I go now and get to class. I’m late enough as it is.” I asked as nicely as I could trying to hold back tears I knew would be escaping from my eyes any second.
They nodded in agreement and I rushed out the door and into the bathroom. I grabbed the only thing I knew would give me instant relief, my blade. I held it up to my wrist staring at it before slicing it six times. They were deep cuts but I managed to control the bleeding after a while of putting pressure on them. I also gulped down three painkillers to make the day hazy.
I composed myself before walking out of the bathroom and to my AP Biology teacher’s classroom for my TA job. I loved working with Ms. Miller. She was buff and smelled like vanilla every time I was with her. My fantasies scare me sometimes of how much I love her.
I close my eyes, squeeze the door handle and walk inside just after the bell rings. She hates when I am late but she got used to it because that was how I was every day. Ms. Miller looked over at me in between words while I quietly walked to the lab stations in the back of the room.
I guess I was lost in my thought because I didn’t realize she was done lecturing and had come sat down beside me. “Kalliegh. Can we talk for a minute?” Ms. Miller asked with a tone I had become accustomed to.
“I guess. What’s up?” I said while leaning back in my chair.
“I just wanted to make sure everything is okay at home. I know you came to me freshman year about your cutting…”
I cut her off, “I don’t do that anymore. No need to be worried.” I could tell that didn’t work though because she eyed me up and down leaving her eyes on my wrists that I had a sweatshirt covering. It made me uncomfortable so I wriggled around in my sat and pulled my sleeves down over my hands even further.
“Okay, but remember you can always talk to me. Promise you will come to me if something is bothering you? You can even call me whenever. I’m here for you.” I could tell Ms. Miller cared deeply about me but I wasn’t sure why.
Just then the bell rang and I couldn’t have gotten out of that class fast enough. Lunch was always my favorite time because Carly, Dom and I would leave school to go to Taco Bell. Obviously this isn’t allowed but who’s going to stop us anyway.
We were coming back from lunch when all of a sudden we saw a golf cart in the parking lot. “Shit.” I muttered to myself. Chantel had a worried look on her face but took it off as soon as we parked and the AP’s came up to the car.
A/N Please comment and vote if you like what I am writing. I know I put this down as a fan fiction with Demi Lovato but please be patient. Demi will be popping up during the next few chapters. Also if you have any ideas or suggstions please comment them! Thanks! -Katie
