Amnesia

chapter 14

He flipped through the journal, skimming through pages already well memorized. When he reached the end, he grinned, and ran his fingers down the tear marks. He could just imagine her reaction, and though it cost him his favorite knife, it was well worth it. Resting his head on the bark of the tree, he watched Celine scramble through the second floor windows. Come and get me, I dare you.

A wistful sigh left his lips. How should i play this out now? With the arrival of this newcomer, he had to be cautious. The memory of her made his blood boil. How dare she? She's mine and mine alone.

He set the journal down onto his lap and continued watching Celine. Maybe this newcomer can be of use to me. He started formulating a plan. Then I can have them both, he smiled dreamily. You can't run forever little mouse. I'm coming for you.

Dean sat on his bed with his head cupped in his hands. This had to be a bad dream. I'm going to wake up any second now and everything will be back where it was. But after a few seconds later he found he was still sitting on his bed, moping. Why should I care, it's not like I like her or anything. Why can't I be happy for her?

He already knew the answer, but he refused to see the truth. Not after he had seen what happen. Instead, he tried smiling and ended feeling something wet slip down his cheeks. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. A knock at the door made him open his eyes.

"Come in." He wiped any evidence of tears from his face before sitting up. The door squeaked open and revealed Nadia.

She came in and sat down on the opposite side of the bed. "How're you holding up?" The tears threatened to spill again.

"She never told me." He lowered his head as he played with his thumbs. "Never even mentioned it. I thought we were friends. I thought," he paused for a second as a tear finally slipt down his face. "She trusted me."

"She does trust you Dean." Nadia reached out and stopped before her hand going limp.

"Then why didn't she tell me?" He looked up.

"Because maybe she didn't know how." She met his gaze, her eyes reflecting his emotions.

"Or maybe she thought it was something we didn't need to know." The corner of his lip raised slightly. "It still hurts though." He spoke in a hushed voice. "Like I've been lied to all these years."

"Is that because you love her?" Her voice broke him.

He noticed the queasiness in his stomach, the tightness in his chest, and his head swimming in a fog. Dean clasped his hands. "I care about her a lot." He looked truth in the eyes. "But she doesn't see me the same way." The pain in his chest tightened more as he said it out loud.

"Just because she doesn't see you the same way doesn't mean you should give up hope." She paused, making him question if she was done speaking. "You'll find someone who cares about you as much as you do them." It was her turn to speak in a hush whisper. "I know you will."

"How are you so sure?"

"I just am." She simply stated as she stood and walked out of the room, leaving him even more lost. How is she so sure that I would find someone? He couldn't think of anyway she could have. Dean chuckled softly. She was just trying to cheer you up, that's all. But the certainty in her voice left him thinking and left him a small bit of hope.

He fell back and stared at the ceiling. "I'm such a child," he said, covering his eyes. "Why am I so worked up over her? It's just a crush." He tried convincing himself.

"You have a crush... On me?" Dean uncovered his eyes but stayed frozen. Celine approached him slowly. " Dean, I don't know what I was like before the accident but," she stopped in front of him. "I want to apologize for any suffering I've caused you." Her head was lowering to the ground.

He sat up and stared at her drooping figure. "Why are you apologizing? You can't help who you like."

She looked up into his eyes, making his brain go numb. "It's not only about Rachael." Who's Rachael? "Look, we've been arguing a lot lately and I've seen how upset you are lately." He opened his mouth but she interrupted him before he could speak.

"Don't start. I know you're upset, I can see it in your eyes. And I'm truly sorry." The fire in her eyes was alarming, but now he could see past it. What he saw behind the fire shocked him. How could I be so blind?

"And you're not hurting?" He kept his gaze locked with hers buy kept his distance.

Her eyes widened slightly and she froze, like a deer caught in headlights. It took a few seconds before her body relaxed. A few seconds too many. "My problems are none of your concerns." She finally answered, a new look in her eyes that hurt him even more because he knew that look very well.

"You know my offer still stands." His voice was firm, confident.

She shook her head slightly. "I told you, this is something I need to do alone and I'm not changing my mind." She started out of the room and paused at the door frame. "Thanks for the offer though." She said with her back to him before walking out of his room.

"No problem." He said, though he knew his voice would never reach her ears. The pain was back, though it didn't hurt as much as before. Heartbreak never felt this bad before, did it? He sighed and looked out into the hallway. When's this day going to end?