Thank you for choosing to read this.
This is just gonna be like a little diary of sorts for me to express thoughts, opinions and experiences about sexuality and gender identity.
Specifically, my own.
So please enjoy and I hope you learn something :)
First off, I've recently experienced some hairstyle changes. The colour's changed three times in the last month. And people will always ask "why 'this colour'?" And I never have the heart to tell them that I copy kpop, particularly BTS.
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(The spray bottle looked at me funny)
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(Lol. Pink)
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(And blue like my Suga Daddy.. god the cringe)
Anyway, yeah.
Now, ON TO THE CHAPTER!
So, because I've been trying to look more masculine, I've actually started working out.
My biceps and triceps have been coming along nicely and I now feel a lot less dysphoric when I wear a binder singlet, which is awesome.
However, my thighs and butt are another story. I get really dysphoric when I'm not wearing at least a pair of tight jeans or my bather bottoms, which are pretty tight. Shorts just make my butt stick out to much and, tbh, it's really depressing.
Especially when I do dancing before school and see myself in the big mirrors.
I've started going for jogs and walks, but it just doesn't seem to do anything. I know it's not gonna have instant results but it's a little disheartening after 2 and a half weeks of no change.
I also do a series of ab workouts to help me lose some stomach fat and that seems to be working a little... I guess..
I feel like the best thing for me to do is stop trying to be something I'm not. That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop exercising. It just means I need to stop comparing myself to other, more fit men (Jimin, I see you).
But these men kind of also motivate me and drives my passion for wanting to be skinny and muscular and attractive in every way.
It's probably a mixture of my diet as well. I generally don't eat breakfast and I rarely eat lunch unless I have money to buy it at school. And for dinner, I'll just end up eating something like a can of baked beans or some noodles.
Honestly, I blame Park Jimin in every way. He calls himself fat and starves himself when he probably weighs the same as my 12 year old brother. He has perfect arm muscles and defined legs and beautiful.. EVERYTHING! He's my motivation for exercising but I feel like I need to stop being obsessed with him or I'll never be happy with myself...
Anyway, thoughts? On the hair changes or the exercising. Whatever you'd like.
