Lonely People

Maybe I'm Amazed

Brian's voice rang through my head. I had to keep it a secret, I had to hide in a closet while the rest of the world paraded about. They flung their love around like flags while I had to hide mine away for fear of persecution. I was subjected to a life of loneliness because of what others believed.

Brian said I had to keep it a secret, but he never said I couldn't love Molly. Never once was it said that I couldn't kiss Molly in the darkest rooms or tell her I loved her when nobody could hear. I could love her, so long as it remained a secret.

That night, I stayed at Paul's. Jane was out of town for an acting job, and it was just the two of us in the flat. I had enough time to think it over and decide exactly what I was going to do.

The answer was simple; I loved Molly and I couldn't give that up, no matter what the laws said. If I had to love her under the veil of secrecy, I would, it was better than not loving her at all.

That's why I stood just outside of her bedroom door, a smile on my face and anxiety in my wake. As I knocked, I tried to ignore my trembling hand. This was the moment of truth, the moment where we finally decided which road to take. Either we took the road covered in bushes or the clear road that eventually forked.

"Melly?" Molly asked as soon as she opened the door.

I smiled, "Mornin', Mols."

"What's got you so chipper?"

"Actually, I'm only smiling to hide my anxiety," I replied, "We need to talk."

She didn't have to ask what I was talking about. Instantly, she stepped aside and let me in. Since we were the only two in the flat at the time, she didn't bother to shut the door. She sat next to me, folding her hands in her lap and awkwardly staring at the floor.

"Did you tell anyone?" she whispered.

I nodded, "Paul. You?"

"I called Regina, didn't really know who else to talk to."

"What'd she say?"

Molly grinned slightly, "She said she thought we were together since the first moment she met you."

"Typical."

We both gave half-hearted laughs. The one question we both wanted answered lingered in the air, but neither of us had the courage to ask it.

"How did Paul react?" Molly asked.

"In the typical big brother fashion," I replied, "He got scared at first, just like we did, but he said he'd help us through it."

"He wasn't angry?"

"Course not, he's Paul. He's all about love, you know."

Molly smiled. I gazed at her for a moment. She kept her eyes on the floor, staring at nothing in particular but everything as a whole. Just by looking at her, I knew what she felt. I felt it too; the fear, the desperation, the anger, all of it bundled up inside to make an unhealthy concoction.

"By golly, Miss Molly, it's gonna be alright," I smiled.

Molly frowned, "We're in danger, Melly. If this got out, we would be thrown in a hospital or even prison! We're far from alright."

She buried her fingers in her hair and sighed. For a moment, I wondered if she regretted those two nights we shared. It started off as a simple kiss, and now, it was a battle both internal and external. She got into this mess because of me, now I wondered if she wanted to get away.

Something told me that wasn't true. If she regretted anything, if she wanted to turn around and never look back, she would have already packed her things and moved back to Liverpool. She would have vanished with her family, possibly even moving to Edinburgh. If she truly wanted to leave me, she already would have. The fact that she was still here told me exactly what I wanted to hear.