Random Bullshit

Venting

So, some of you may know that I was living in a foster home, and now I'm living with my parents now.

It sucks.

Honestly, it's almost exactly the same as when I left three years ago. They still fight, 24/7. My mom's still passive-aggressive, my dad's still judgemental, and neither of them at willing to just drop an issue.

They fight about money, they fight about cigarettes, they fight about fighting, for God's sake.

The other day, they woke me up at two in the morning so that I could watch them fight. On a school night.

Today, I was going to do the paper route with my dad, except they were fighting again, and made us late by at least an hour. I've been up since three am, and I didn't even end up doing the route. It's 6:30 am.

I'm so sick of this bullshit. We live in a hovel. We survive solely on canned food, and my parents are too busy fighting about our situation to do anything about it.

I want to give up. It'd be easy too; my dad's taking so many pills for his many health issues, it wouldn't be hard to overdose, especially since I'm allergic to penicillin and amoxicillin. I reason with myself. Think that it's logical.

One less mouth to feed, more room in the house, less needs. And I'd welcome it. I don't want to wake up anymore. Wake up, eat, do school, sleep; it's all just one meaningless blur, leading to me having a dead-end job and breathing just for the sake of breathing. None of this is worth anything.

Besides, it's not like I'm that important. Just another teenage suicide, it's basically a daily occurrence in this country. I'm not famous, like Chester Bennington. I don't save lives, I'm too dumb to actually contribute to society, and at this point, I'm just using up resources that somebody else more deserving could use.

And even if I were to become someone useful, Luke if I found the cure to cancer or some shit, it won't fucking matter. The world will end eventually, and then everything will be moot.

Of course, the main reason I haven't offed myself yet is because I'm a motherfucking pussy. I won't down a bottle of pills because I'm a scared little bitch who doesn't have the balls.

But whatever.

Its inconsequential. Just me being a triggered fucking cunt.

Did you know that inconsequential is my favourite word? I wonder why.

Good night, or morning, whichever the hell it is. It's about 6:50 now, so I guess morning for me.

Thanks for reading my shit.