Unexpected ▪ Yuri On Ice

The Snap

I'm sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry that I can't believe that anybody ever really
Starts to fall in love with me

YK

"Ugh I suck at this" Yuri falls from the artistic wrings in the gym and dusts off his hands with a scrunched look on his face.

Scrunched like my chest.

Everything was going fine, I was getting better, getting to know Victor.

Then Carson had to happen. It just had to be him and he just had to come to my school. Victor just had to be friends with him.

I can't hold that against him, I can't; even when it makes the voices whisper foul things;

They must have something in common Yuuri, why else would they get along? Victor will make you feel worthless just like Carson did. Or Carsons already brainwashed him, Victor's fallen for his charms. He'll take him away from you. You don't own him anyway. He probably doesn't even like you. Don't think about dating him, it won't happen anyway, Carson never even liked you, he was just too nice and he felt bad. Isn't Victor the same? They are friends after all.

"I promise you'll like him"

And I did. I do. I was smitten with Carson when we dated, he was everything, my world, all I thought about and all I cared about. Even after he hurt me, after I broke up with him, I still had those inescapable feelings because he's just so nice. He's a kind person,  so kind, he made me feel special, cared for. He is a person with the unique skill to make me feel important and worthless all at once. It was a terrible feeling but I couldn't part with it because of the good things he made me feel. I still remember the now; the inner warmth, the blush when he'd speak to me softly, the happiness when he'd do something nice for me, the desire for him.

Seeing him again makes the pain of the breakup come back fresh because it was hard, and I did want him back, I did miss him.

It was the right thing to do. I wasn't what he wanted.

What isn't the right thing to do is neglecting Victor like I am. Just because he gets along with Carson doesn't mean he's like him.

A deep dark corner does wander though. Victor and Carson are both beautiful people, Victor more so. What am I to them? I wasn't good enough for Carson and that only means I'm nowhere near good enough for Victor.

"Yuuri?" Yuri snaps me back into the moment, clicking his fingers by my ear.

"Yea?"

"You were gonna..." he signals to the rings, looking a little concerned. Yuri and I have gone a long way, from him hating me to us actually having some sort of friendship. Otabek says he never hated me in the first place. But god knows what's happening in Yuri Plisetsky's brain.

"Right, yea"

Not long after I'm ready and on the rings, hoping that every twirl and spin will help loosen the tight coiling feeling in my chest so I can finally stop being scared, on edge, worried, consumed about this; about Carson. And Victor.

When I'm about to dismount, just pushing off, a voice pierces my air

"Yuuri"

Carson. That's all I can think before I hit the mat. And land on my wrist.