She doesn't know

Following

Lauren's POV
Me and drew follower y/n to the cliff we sat by a tree I said "what's she doing here?" He said "just listen to what she says" I did she said "hey mike Clara you know it's been 6 years since you've been gone I'm doing my best not to disappoint you it's been 6 years since I've started protecting Lauren it's been 5 years since I starting loving her but she could never love me who would it's been 6 years since the nightmares started it's been 6 years since I started crying it's been 6 years since I've slept properly it's been 6 years since my world came crashing down it's been 6 years since I've lost my smile there are times I was jump but I know your daughter needs protection I'm doing my best I blame myself for you dying but I hate myself even more because Lauren delt with it alone I should of been there then maybe she'd want me but I'm used to being wanted it's how it's always been I built my walls back up higher I turned off my emotions I became cold again I can't let anyone in I wanna let Lauren in but I can't because she'll give up on me like everyone else has I'll do my best mike and Clara to keep her alive till she's 18 I'll train her but after that I'll disappear I'll leave drew to help her" after she said that she left I was a little confused I said "what did she mean disappear?" He said "after you turn 18 you take over the company and the red demon gang she'll train you and after that's done she'll give up her position and I'll become your second in command" I said "I didn't think she was so broken I thought she was happy drew I thought she was okay I thought she was a badass why doesn't she let anyone in?" He sighed and said "Lauren the day your parents died was the day something inside died to when I first told her she just sat on her bed staring at the wall a few mins later she broke down it was like the day they died was the day the happy part of her died she never smiles anymore if she does it's fakes she only cries when she thinks no one can hear her she doesn't know that I hear her every night she barely sleeps if she does it's only 2 hours till she wakes up screaming she doesn't let anyone in because she convinced herself no one could love her she blames herself for your parents death she hates herself because you went through it alone she blames herself for everything" I said "but didn't she go through it alone? Why would she hate herself because I went through it alone?" He said "yeah she went through it alone but she'll never ask for help she'll never show she's breaking she'll never let anyone in because she thinks that if they see the darkest place of her that'll they'll leave its happen to her so many times she's gone through so much for an 18 year old that there's not a night that goes by that she's not crying herself to sleep if you went in her room there's a board in her room it says "keep Lauren safe you can do it" she does everything she does to protect you she stresses herself about about the company about the gang about school she stresses about it all but she knows she's doing it to protect you and to not disappoint your parents" I was surprised she's 18 but she's been through more then anyone else but she'll never show it he said "she thinks she doesn't deserve love she'll never wants other people to worry because she doesn't care about being happy she wants to make everyone else happy even if it breaks her she doesn't worry about her happiness she worries most about you she wants you happy yes she loves you she has for 4 years now but she won't show it because she's scared but she wants you to find someone to be happy with that's all she'll ever want" he took me home I just sat there with my thoughts and went to sleep