The Hard Doubled Life

On The Edge

We sat waiting for either of us to start speaking about the situation.... When I finally got the guts to speak up, it backfired.  

"I don't think we should go on." "I'm sorry, but I really like you." We both said at the same time. We both looked up and stared at each other.  

Omg. Omg. Omg! He Likes Me! Damnit! I shouldn't have said anything... What if I tell him I take it back? No, No, No, To late for that now. Grrr!  

"Maybe I should have said something sooner..." Noah said with hurt in his voice. Ugh I feel bad.  

"I-I.... um...look, I don't know if I like you or not. But even if I did, there's nothing to it. I'm sorry, I know I messed things up back in London, but you screwed it up more today at lunch. So I can say that it’s not happening." I stuttered but gained more of my confidence the more I let it out. He slumped his head down on the table and took about a minute to lift up his head and speak up.  

"Yea you did ruin the moment in London. You could have at least looked me in the eye after we kissed! Or when we were in the airport or inside the plane!" he said blaming me.  

"Hey! I wasn't the one that screwed all this shit up for sure!! Remember you had a damn part in this damage as well! Making out with two sluts!" I blamed him back I could feel my anger start taking over my sad feelings.  

"I apologized for that! And I didn't plan that, they were all over me. One of them kissed me so one kiss lead to another and another." He said back down a bit with his tone.  

"Whatever I don't want to hear about it. And I already apologized for what happened in London!" I said trying to get this over with.  

"Explain to me why you wouldn't look at me!" He said with pleading eyes.  

"Because I knew how you would look at me! And I didn't want to face it!" I truthfully said in a panic tone, I finally tore my gaze away from him and looked down. Sadness was now coming back and my anger had left.  

"W-What are you talking about?" He stuttered  

"I knew you would look at me with a sad face, probably looking disappointed or crushed that I pushed away. But I just knew I wouldn't be able to handle it if I saw you down." I said slowly. There was a pause from both of us.  

"I was. I was crushed. But it’s okay. Everything is okay." He said trying to be comforting. He pulled my hand to the side making me get up and pulled me towards him. He grabbed my waist and sat me down on his lap, hugging me from my waist. Damnit I thought, I can't handle him. What if I can't look at him again for the same reason for some unknown reason later on? What if this happens again? What if more sluts get all over him again. I’m not risking anything, I leave tomorrow after school, No way in hell am I taking risks. I turned my body to face him and looked down into his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes seemed so calming. I couldn't just tell him in his face that I was going to push this away.... push him away. I needed to catch a breath.  

"I.. um.. Need to go to the restroom." I said quickly. He let go of my waist and I stood up and walked to the restroom, which wasn't far. I walked in taking deep and long breathe. About a couple of minutes I thought to myself, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. Just walk out there tell him its not going to work, pick up your bags and leave. That's it. I took my last deep breathe and walked out. I walked over to the table and my eyes popped out, shocked. I pulled myself together and anger filled my whole body, I knew I couldn't trust him. I marched over to my table, where Noah was making out with some blonde bimbo. I picked up all by bags, not caring if they made any sound to pull Noah's attention, and walked away like a perfectly calmed person even though my anger was ready to explode out of my body and get ready to kill someone. I heard my name being called.