Chasing Chaos

Chapter 5

5.

     On the bus to school I ignored everyone. I had one mission on my mind. I had to find Austin. He wasn't on the bus and I had no idea what his first class was but I was going to find him. 

     On the bus everyone ignored me, at school it was different. Where ever I walked, silence. I felt all eyes on me, burning into my skull. The silence was a little eerie, but it was better than getting teased. At least everyone stayed out of my way. I had a mission to fulfill. I had to find Austin. 

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     The bus got to school half an hour before our first class every day. Which gave me half an hour to find Austin. My mind was still swirling with all the questions he left in my head yesterday. All night I never slept, and I knew I wouldn't be able to until he answered the questions haunting me. Did he know something about my mother's death? 

     A couple of Jake's friends slammed into me as I walked down the hall, jolting me from my daydream. I turned to face them and clenched my fist. 

     "Be careful"

     Austin's words stopped me from swinging at them and I turned to run. I believe in facing my fears more than running from them, but I didn't know what was going on anymore and I want gonna take any more chances. 

     I looked down at my phone. 5 minutes. Anger and irritation surged through me. I got so distracted in my own thoughts that I wasted time. I sighed, knowing there was no way I'd find him now. Instead, I headed towards my first class. There was no way I was gonna come in late again and draw attention to myself. The swelling in my eye had gone down and I was able to open it, but there was still a ring of dark purple and blue circling my eye. 

     I entered the room and sat down, second row as usual. The bell rang, making me jump and hit my funny bone on the side of the desk. As I rubbed the tingling away I tried to calm my beating heart. I had no idea what was going on with me lately, I had never been so jumpy before. 

     The students all filed in and took their seats, silence. When I first got to school I thought I liked it. Really, it just made me realize that to me silence was louder than anything. That's when my mind would go crazy. I would have to wait until lunch to find Austin. 

     The classes before lunch were more than waisted.

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     Later that night I held my pillow close to my face. I had never found Austin. Usually I saw him. Not today. He said if I felt weird to find him. He said he'd be there for me. I guess he just lied. 

     I looked around my room, pictures were on the walls. That's all. I was going to decorate my room in brand new furniture and my mom and I were gonna paint a mural together. Were. I can't think of anything happy anymore without wishing for my mother back. 

     I touched a picture on the desk next to my bed. Tracing the outline of my mother and I together, laughing and laying on the beach. It was two years ago for summer vacation. I had no idea how much my life would change in that picture. In her hand she's holding a seashell. A kite is flying behind us and the ocean is shining. She always loved the beach. I loved it too. The sand was always so warm and the water so calming.

     My thoughts go back to Austin. I was stupid for thinking he would be there for me. I don't know why I believed him for a second. He just seemed like he wasn't lying. What am I supposted to do when I don't know who to believe and who to trust?