CHANCES (Andrew Lincon Romance)

Chapter 11

There I was standing in front of dinosaur exhibit trying not to have a complete melt down. Trying desperately not to fall apart. The pleasure and the guilt swirling into a knot in my stomach. It felt so god dam good to be this close to Andrew. The ache to feel his arms around me delicious. The need and desire was thrilling. The knowledge that another man wanted me made me feel like a woman. My body was awakening in ways I thought had died. Ways that Mike had made feel. Ways that only Mike should be able to make me feel. It was like I was cheating on him. Shitting on the love we shared for so many years . As if I was some how was throwing Mike to the side and replacing him with Andrew. That I was forgetting him. I could feel tears start to well in my eyes.

"I have to go to the washroom. I'll be right back." I didn't wait for Andrew to answer I hurried away.

Taking deep breaths I tried to push the tears back as they burned my eyes . Walk as if your composed I repeated to myself. Once I got to the bathroom I tucked myself into the farthest stall and dialled Tammy's number.

"Hey girl I was just thinking about you." she sounded so chipper as usual .

"I'm ok. How are the girls?" Holding my head in my hands the tears slipped forth .

"The girls are fine. They went down to the hall dance. I'm going down after you finish telling me what's wrong ." How was it she could read me like a open book.

"I don't where to start. I don't know what's wrong with me. You ever wonder why you do the things you do?" I couldn't find the right words.

"I stopped asking that question years ago cause the answers all pointed me to being crazy." she laughed. "That doesn't really answer my question tho."

"I shouldn't be here. Mike was so good to me and I loved him so much. Now I'm hear trying to hook up with someone else. What's that say about me?" I asked

She was quiet for a minute before she answered. "It says you are a widower. That your husband died and not you. Mike has been gone for two years. It's not like it was just yesterday."

"I just feel so guilty. Like I'm cheating on him" sighing I started wiping the tears from my face.

"Your not and it's about time you remembered your a woman with needs too." Tammy always made things sound so simple.

"Who knows what if anything will amount from this weekend. Thrust me, in fact do it for me. Enjoy the shit out of that man." I knew she was right even if my heart was having a hard time agreeing.

"Ok....I love you." I tried my best to sound confident before I said goodbye promising to call her in the morning.

Collecting myself the best as possible I knew it was time to check my smeared makeup and find the others. As I opened the stall door I could see Katie leaning against the counters I'm front of the mirrors. Wordlessly she took my hand and began to fix my makeup.

It wasn't until she finished that she finally spoke . "I couldn't begin to fathom everything you've gone through or what your feeling. I am here if you need to talk." She stood back giving me the once over."You look perfect again. The car is waiting to take us to supper. Are you ready?"

When I nodded she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. Andrew and Norman were sitting on the benches waiting for us. Silently we walked to the car but I couldn't help noticing Andrew was looking at me like I was a piece of broken glass.

Despite the fact Norman and Katie were cracking jokes the mood remained heavy on the ride to the restaurant. We pulled up in front of Per Se and Andrew waited until I got out of the car. Standing beside me he gave me an unsure smile. I was positive he thought I was crazy. I wished now I had acted differently at the exhibit. Been more confident and casual instead of the weepy widow. No guy wanted to be stuck with the weepy basket case widow.