Find Me

3

THREE-QUINN

It was just college. Hundreds of thousands of other people my age attended college classes every day. This wasn't anything scary. This was normal. I could be normal. Couldn't I? I guess I'd find out, I thought as I walked toward campus. My apartment was only four blocks away, which was nice, considering I couldn't afford a car. It had been a couple days since I'd applied at Bean There  and I hadn't received a phone call. I wondered if that girl even turned in my application.

I'd been right about Blue Eyes haunting my dreams. He'd been the key feature in every dream the last couple nights. I didn't really understand it. I didn't usually notice guys, other than to try to avoid them. He was obviously popular, so he wasn't the kind of guy I would notice if I did. A behind the scenes kind of guy would be more my speed, if I were interested in a relationship, which I wasn't. I had too many problems. Considering I'd had to give myself a pep talk just to attend school said a lot about my mentality. A guy would just complicate things further.

I glanced down at the campus map and studied my schedule again. I'd marked the map with red marker where my classes were located, as there were multiple buildings. It wasn't hard to find my first class and I settled down in the back row, hoping for some invisibility. When the professor entered the room, everyone quieted, and I then spent the next ninety minutes being bored to tears. Was this what college was? Nothing but lectures? I thought Sociology would be good for me. What better way for me to get over my past than to study the functioning of society? I was wrong. The professor clearly didn't want to be there any more than the rest of us did. I swear a couple people started snoring in their seats. Feeling dejected I headed toward my second class.

Intro to Photography had me feeling a lot better about things. I felt a tingle in my chest that felt remarkably like excitement. Had I found what I wanted to do with my life? It was too early to tell. I made a mental note to look into Photography related degrees. How cool would it be if I could declare my major so early? Feeling pretty good about things and since I had a break before I needed to attend my afternoon class, I headed for Bean There.

Upon entry, before I could say anything, the girl behind the counter told me, in a bored tone, "I think the manager is going to go through the applications tonight. If he's interested he'll give you a call."

"Uh, thanks?" I tell her and then survey the menu. Smoothies? They had smoothies? "I'll take a strawberry/banana smoothie, please."

A moment later the smoothie was being handed to me and the girl said, "I think Dylan Pennington likes you."

"Who?" I asked, with a frown.

She rolled her eyes, "Blue eyes, brown hair, tall, gorgeous, football player...ring a bell?"

"Oh, uh, well...do you like him or something? I haven't done anything to encourage him. I don't even know him. So if you're trying to warn me off so you can have him, there is no need." I tell her and ignore the pang in my chest that's calling me a liar.

For the first time, I saw a smile appear on her face and she held out her hand, "Lexi Davis."

"Quinn Langston." I say and shake hers.

"I'm up for a break. Let's sit and you can tell me the truth about where you stand with Dylan." Lexi said and the next thing I knew, she was pulling me to a corner table.

I glanced around, suddenly nervous, "I really don't know him. The other day, here, was the first time I'd ever laid eyes on him and I haven't seen him since."

"You'll be seeing him again, trust me. He's interested. I don't want him. I know you're thinking that I do, but I don't. I have a thing against football players. I like you, so I'm going to tell you my story. Hopefully you can learn from my mistake. Freshman year, I became friends with Dylan, but this story isn't really about him. About a month into freshman year, I met Drake Anderson. He was smoking hot and the quarterback of our football team. Every girl wanted him and every guy wanted to be him. He was a senior and imagine my surprise when he showed an interest in me. He wooed me, said all the right things. I gave him my virginity. It was the biggest mistake of my life. As soon as I slept with him, he was done with me. He stopped calling and started ignoring my calls. He acted like I didn't exist anymore. When he did finally talk to me it was to tell me, in front of the entire cafeteria, that I needed to stop obsessing over him because he didn't like me like that. He acted like we hadn't been a couple for the last couple months and like he hadn't taken something I couldn't get back. I was devastated and people began looking at me like I was a pathetic groupie or something. I swore off football players after that. Hell, I haven't dated anyone since Drake. I stopped talking to Dylan, because even if he wasn't like that then, it would only be a matter of time. It's all just a big game to these jocks."

I sat back and absorbed everything she'd told me. I felt like she was being a little unfair to the football player population. Just because one of them was bad, didn't mean they all were. I sat up straighter at that. Hadn't I been doing the same thing? Just because the sperm donor was all shiny on the outside, but had a rotten core, didn't mean the entire male population had a secret mean side. Holy moly, was I having a break through? Damn, I was on a roll today. First, I may have discovered a passion for photography and now, I was having rational thoughts, not letting my fear drive me.

Impulsively, I asked Lexi, "What happened the first time you used that smoothie machine? Did you have any trouble with it?"

Lexi laughed, "Oh boy, did I ever! The first time I used it, I forgot to put the lid on top and shot bananas straight to the ceiling. I thought I would be fired for sure."

"But you weren't fired and you didn't give up after only one try?" I pushed.

"No, I..." Lexi stopped talking and narrowed her eyes at me, "I see what you're doing here. You're saying I didn't give up after a failed attempt at making a smoothie and I shouldn't give up after a failed attempt at a relationship."

I smiled, "I'm sure your second smoothie was much better than the first."

Lexi smirked, "What if I told you I botched that one too?"

I laughed and it felt good. "Well, I think it's normal to have several failed...smoothies...before you meet the one."

"What about you? Any exes or anything current?" Lexi asked.

I shook my head, "No, I've never had a boyfriend."

Lexi raised her eyebrows, "And yet you give such good advice?"

"I hope it is good advice. I don't really know. The only example I had was my mom's relationship with the sperm donor and it wasn't a good one."

"The sperm donor?" Her eyebrows went up another notch.

Shit, I hadn't meant to reveal anything personal about me. Although, Lexi had told me about her football player, so I guess it was only fair. I sighed and willingly told my story for the first time, "The man who helped create me. He isn't a good guy. He swept my mom off her feet, when she was barely legal, knocked her up and...he was, is, crazy. He abused her, us, and we ran. For years we ran. He found us every time and we kept running."

Lexi's eyes were wide, "Are you still running?"

I shook my head, "No, I don't have to run anymore. He's in prison."

"And your mom? Where is she?" Lexi asked innocently and my eyes went misty. I ducked my head, unable to answer. Lexi sucked in a breath, "I'm so sorry, Quinn. He killed her?"

I nodded and my voice croaked with one word, "Yes."

"Damn girl. I knew I was going to like you, but I didn't know how strong you are."

"Strong? I'm barely holding it together." I tell her, wiping tears off my face.

"I think you're doing pretty damned good, considering. Now, I've got to get back to work. I'll put in a good word with Hal. He's the manager." Lexi said standing.

"Wait, I never paid for my smoothie."

She waved her hand, "On the house today. I'll take it out of my tips if Hal throws a fit."

I blinked as she walked back to the counter. This had been a monumental day. My first day of college, a glimpse into a possible career path, a free smoothie, and a new friend. I still felt pretty shaky after talking about my past, but it had felt good to confide in someone. It had felt almost like a cleansing. I was going to make it. I was strong. Lexi said so and I was starting to believe her.