Power And Control [ Ziall ]

i. first meeting

[ before you read, i promise this is not cliché :) i have this all figured out, i just didn't know how to start so, yeah, there it is. it might also be triggering for some people since it includes eating disorder and mentioning of selfharm. please vote or comment if you liked it Xx ]

“Women and men, we are the same, but love will always be a game; a human vulnerability; doesn't mean that I am weak.”

“You think we'll be getting new hot boys this year?” Harry asked and Liam slapped him on his neck, because that was so typical for Harry to say (actually, that's what he said every year when school started). Niall cackled, sitting down on the chair, “Hope so!” “Ah, c'mon, Niall, not you too,” Liam groaned, leaning back, “Besides, I heard we're getting some snot.”

“We are?” the youngest questioned and Niall would've commented on it, but then his eyes caught something and he turned his head as he heard the other two boys teasing each other.

A boy with dark eyes and dark hair looked right at him and their eyes locked for a few seconds and suddenly everything around Niall was just a bit slower than usual and he seemed to forget what it was like to breathe. The boy teared his eyes away as Niall immediately looked down on his desk, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Was this some sick movie he got stuck in?

“I'd like to switch classes, it's really nothing personal, but my best friend is in the other English class and yeah,” Niall heard the boy tell the teacher — the blond's favourite teacher, because she was really sweet and caring — and she looked down onto a list, “What was your name again?” “Zayn- Zayn Malik,” he replied and Niall just stared at him, because, hell, he was so good-looking, like, really beautiful and his voice was deep and smooth and— wait, what? Did he say he wanted to switch classes? No!

“Earth to Niall!” A hand waved in front of him as Niall shook his head, looking into Harry's face, “Wh-what?”

“I see you already found the new one. He's hot, eh?” Niall raised an eye-brow, “Yeah.”

“He wants to become a singer,” Liam informed from behind them — how the hell and when did he get there? — and grinned at Niall, “Just like you.”

Niall snorted, “So what? He wants to leave, heard him say it to Ms. Fehling.” “What a pity,” Harry sighed, then remarked, “He's probably an arse, anyway.”

And Niall nodded, thinking to himself that, yeah, that's probably true. “Where do you even get this information?” Harry grinned at Liam as he shrugged at the younger boys, “I've got my connections.”

* * * *

He looked into the mirror, turning from one side to the other and his eyes wandered down to his stomach that wasn't near as flat as Harry's or Liam's. With two delicate fingers, he squeezed the skin on his hips, biting his lip hard as he tried to will away the fat on his body.

It was summer and he was supposed to go out and enjoy the good weather together with everyone else, but he couldn't; the need to compare himself to everyone else was unbearable and he hated himself for it.

Niall looked down to his thighs, sighing as he saw that they touched and he just felt so disgusted with himself he could throw the mirror against the wall and let himself cry until he fell asleep. Everything was just too big and there was more fat than anything else.

He continued to inspect himself in the mirror, pinching and squeezing the skin and trying to will away the dispensable fat.

A lump started forming in his throat as he fell onto his knees, burying his face in his hands, because that was what he was — fat. He wouldn't ever look like the other's. He wouldn't ever be good enough, thin enough. He had to do something. He just wanted to look into the mirror without wanting to spit at himself.

The holidays hadn't been good to him, he had looked at the mirror, wishing he would've looked skinnier than the day before. But he still didn't, therefore, he decided that that was it. He was going to look good, whatever the costs.

And so, he starved himself for three days.

* * * *

[ i just want to make clear that this is not what i think about niall ! niall is beautiful and perfect and nowhere near fat. this is only what niall thinks about himself in a fanfiction. i repeat, it's fiction! i love niall and he's perfect so yeah before you leave something hateful i just wanted to say that this is nothing like niall is in reality and as well probably not even close to what he thinks about himself (anymore). thanks for reading, ily Xxx. ]

{ btw, the chapters are going to be short, but i will be updating more often that way :)x }