Start of Time » Stiles Stilinski

24. Battlefield

"Can you feel sorry for the nine year old Matt that drowned?" Ms. Morrell asked me while I sat in her office. She was talking to all of us who were there at the station the night of the attacks.

It had been over a week since the events that lead to secrets being exposed and Matt's death. There was only one question on my mind, who killed Matt? And do they control the Kanima now? Huh? I guess that's two questions.

I snapped out of my thoughts, hearing her call my name as I realized I was staring off into the distance, not hearing a word she was saying. I sighed, shaking my head quickly. "The only thing I feel sorry for is that I didn't kill Matt myself." I said, staring at her.

She looked at me, slightly puzzled but questioned why I would think or say something like that. "He hurt me, hurt my friends and family..He killed people, he would have killed us. He wasn't a good person and maybe he shouldn't have died but that doesn't change the fact that I wanted to end his life as well. He was insane, sure he was a victim because some jackasses threw him in a pool when he couldn't swim but he killed people. He would have killed a lot more people if someone didn't stop him. Matt had a bad experience when he was a kid, but we all have our traumas. None of them turned us into psychopaths. Matt was insane, Sheriff Stilinski told me that they found my photos up in his room, that he cropped Stiles out of them to put himself in so it'd appear as if we had a relationship. He was insane and in my opinion, the world might be better off without him. So why not write that down."

Ms. Morrell folded her arms on her desk, looking at me. "I sense hostility from you even though you don't seem like the type to want people hurt."

"I'm usually not but...I don't know. I guess going through something like that, almost losing everyone you care about can change you. Make you realize that while you want to be good in this world, sometimes you can't stay that way. Not all the time without someone getting hurt." I said, sighing. Great, she's probably gonna have me sent to the psych ward or something.

"Matt hurt a lot of people, he did deserve to be punished for those crimes..But did death have to be the answer?" She asked me, making me look at her slightly confused. "You've known Matt for a while, correct? You were in the same class with him and all your friends since you were little. If you can't feel sorry for who he was while he died, could you feel sorry for the person he was?"

I shook my head. "I-I want to..Believe me, I do. But when I think of Matt from now on, I'm only going to think about how he was a monster who killed people. A monster who tried killing me and everyone I care about. So..-while Matt maybe used to be someone good, he let the world turn him into a monster. That's not my fault."

"The world and grief and fear and anger can make people do terrible things. Even the more pure of heart can do the most vicious of things when the wrong emotion is what guides them.." Ms. Morrell explained.

I sighed. "Look, I'd rather not be psychoanalyzed..I'm fine. Aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something bad is going to happen. It's like-..I can't shake the feeling something bad is going to happen. It's like no matter what I do, every time I close my eyes..I feel and see bad things happening. And I don't know how much more I can handle."