Same But Different - GirlxGirl (Completed)

Chapter Eighteen

 The Worst Outcomes

I felt a strong wind sweeping against my face, when my eyes opened. It had gotten so windy, I was afraid a storm was going to pass. I closed the window and tried to recall where I was before I went blank.

“Dr.Nicholas” a voice spoke in my mind.

Subconsciously Yuri was reminding me, my eyes searched for the camera, assuming there may be a video update from Yuri. I crossed my fingers because I knew Yuri would be mad at me for seeking professional help but instead when I played the video, all I saw was fear in her eyes.

Fear for me.

“No!” I screamed at the video. My fists were urging to smash the laptop screen.

Belle was leaving tonight for good and it was my entire fault. My panic state was making my hands shake. I wanted to see Belle; I wanted to talk to Belle. All these thoughts weren’t going to stop her, I had to stop her and to do that I had to run. I opened the door and skipped some stairs making a huge jump on the floor and I ran outside.

The raindrops showered me, and it was so dark. I ran towards Belle’s house, I could make it before she left, I knew that confidently. But I had no idea what I was going to say to her. Truth was I did use Belle to make sure that I was really a lesbian. Belle was the person who brought the certainty that caused me to develop feelings for her, just feelings. 

I wished they were strong enough for me to ask her not to go. I could feel my eyes tearing, but thankfully the rain made me look less of a coward. I made my finally stop in front of her house and I rang the doorbell.

“Sasha!” Belle exclaimed as she opened the door. She got out from her house and closed the front door behind her. I didn’t want to say anything; instead I just grabbed her and kissed her. She kissed me back softly.

The weather was cold, but our kiss was warm. Belle deserved better than me, I thought. But it was too late, I wished she’d had given me more time. More time to start loving her as a girl instead of as a friend. My fingers brushed against her soft face but Belle pulled away and our lips parted.

“Why are you leaving?” I asked loudly. I couldn’t imagine how my life would be without Belle.

“Because I have no choice, just like you” Belle responded.

“Belle, I . . .” I wanted to tell her not to go; I wanted to tell her we could work things out. But I couldn’t give her the certainty that I myself, wasn’t sure of. Too late, Belle burst out crying in front me, tears just flowing down her beautiful eyes. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen.

“It’s over Sasha, there is no us, and there would never be. You would just end up becoming a memory” Belle’s words pained me. I couldn’t do anything about my situation except despise Yuri for making my life this way.

“Don’t say that Belle, I won’t become a –a memory” I stammered a bit.

“There is no point, Sasha. Results came back and Yuri is your real host. You’ll be trapped within her for the rest of your life. And I can’t be with you even if I wanted to” Belle cried out. I held my pain and the tears that were about to roll and reached out for Belle.

“Just leave Sasha, let me go. I can’t deal with this, it’s too much pain”

  Those were her last words to me before walking inside her house and shutting the door. I stood in the rain breathless. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t, I wanted to get mad but I couldn’t. I was the ‘alter’, I had made my peace with it earlier but this time when Belle gave me the slightest hope, that hope was crushed too.