Same But Different - GirlxGirl (Completed)

Chapter Thirty Six

Statistically, Physically, Mentally & Logically

The chants of the crowd grew louder and I just stood there stunned like an idiot. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t pretend that everything is alright because it’s not. Belle didn’t wait for me to go up to the stage and steal a kiss to impress the crowd, instead she came up to me and gave me a hug. The crowd cheered even louder, as I hugged her back.

“Belle I –“ I began.

“Don’t” Her reply was cold. She was heartbroken again and this time I really just wanted to kill myself.

I was fighting my tears, I was hiding my guilt. We walked away from the beach and when we finally got alone, Belle let go of my hand.

“What did I do so wrong?” Belle asked huskily.

“What do you mean?”

“Every time I think there’s a chance, you always find a reason to back out. Why?” She was being straight forward this time. Her eyes were watery.

“I have many reasons, Belle”

“Tell me a reason aside from Yuri” She demanded. Her voice was firm and angry.

“Belle, you have to understa – “ I began.

But Belle interrupted me “Understand that Yuri is the only reason why we can’t be together? It doesn’t make any sense” Belle folded her arms angrily and glared at me. She waited for my response which took me a while to give.

“It makes perfect sense, Belle. How can Yuri have a life if we go out in public?”

“HOW can you have a life when Yuri goes out in public?”  Belle raised her voice.

Should I tell her? Should I tell her? I fought with my mind mentally. I couldn’t expose Yuri to Belle like that, I had already done that to her by telling Jason everything.

“I don’t care about me” I finally murmur quietly because it was the truth. I didn’t care about me anymore. If I had thought for one second that I could have a normal life, I was the insane one. How could anyone live double lives without causing any jeopardy?

“I care about you” Belle replied without wasting a single breath.

“You shouldn’t”

“I will”

“Belle” I call out her name trying to make her see my point. Statistically, Physically, Mentally, Logically this relationship would not work and we would never have a happy ending. It was never meant to be.

“Sasha” She calls out my name to make me see her point. Statistically, Physically, Mentally, Logically we had never given this relationship a chance because of fear and we’ll never know if it could’ve worked unless we actually give it a try.

“I can’t, we can’t” I reply to her almost as if I was reading her mind.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t love you like I did before” I felt a heavy lift off my chest as I said those words. It was the truth, I finally realized. Yuri isn’t the only reason why I don’t want a relationship with Belle; the truth is I have changed after she left. Yuri changed me.

“You never loved me” Belle confronted.

“I did, and I realized that after you left”

“And now, you realized that you don’t love me after I am back?” I wasn’t able to reply because her question suffocated me.