Davekat Headcanons and Oneshots

More Than Anything

Authors Note: Angst/sad stuff here... Based on Headcanon #06.

        The fear had started when Karkat was young, shortly after discovering he was a mutant. How he found this out wasn't important, and at this point in his life he barely remembered it, but the fear was there. He knew, one way or another, his candy red blood would be the death of him. At first it was just the fear that one day someone would find out and simply kill him for being a mutant, but the fear evolved over time as he gradually learned through books that every blood caste has some knowledge of how long they'll live. As a mutant, he had no way of knowing.
        That was when it started getting hard to sleep.
        It slowly became more and more difficult for him to sleep. Every time he tried, the dread crept back in to his mind. What if this is it? What if I die in my sleep? He limited himself to only ever sleeping an hour at a time, and he was usually a very light sleeper. He would wake up if even the slightest thing was wrong.
        Of course, that all started sweeps ago. Karkat shook his head at the memory. He'd always thought it would be sudden. That one day he would just keel over, or die in his sleep. He hadn't anticipated something slow and subtle. And now, at an age of merely twenty-one human years, Karkat sat on the floor of his home, horrified, as he coughed blood on to his hands and realized there was no reason for this. It shouldn't have been happening. He wasn't sick. He was pretty healthy, actually. Nothing should have been wrong with him. But here he was, coughing up candy red blood. There was only one explanation, and it broke his heart. He was finally nearing the end of his lifespan. Tears pricked his eyes as he quickly got up and ran in to the washroom. As he washed the blood off, he let himself fully consider his mortality for the first time in a long time. He hadn't had a long life, but he'd done enough. Did he want to die? No. Of course not. If it was up to him, he'd live a very long life with his boyfriend. No... not boyfriend. What was that stupid word Dave had taught him? Fiancé. The word came quickly to his mind as his fingers found the ring Dave had given him only days ago.
        "I can't tell him," he muttered to himself. "I don't know how to tell him." Karkat choked back a sob.
        Quietly, he went back in to the bedroom. Dave was still fast asleep. Karkat managed a small smile. The blond human was a pretty deep sleeper. Karkat grabbed paper and a pen, and began to write quickly. The words just kind of happened. He poured out his thoughts on to the page. Tears stained the page too, but this was less painful than actually having to tell Dave what was happening, especially considering he didn't know how long he had. He silently put the letter in a drawer, then sighed and wiped away his tears. He usually didn't like to wake Dave up, but today was an exception. Not knowing added a certain sense of urgency to his mind. Of course, he was in no hurry for the time to pass. But the thought solidified in Karkat's mind that if he was going to die, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Dave. Maybe it was cruel to not tell his lover what was going on, but he didn't want to upset him. Again, that sense of finality came creeping in. He didn't want to see the expression on Dave's face when he found out. He didn't want the other boy to freak out either. He and Dave were protective of each other, and he knew the only thing Dave would want would be to keep him alive for as long as possible and out of harms way. But that wouldn't do anything. All these thoughts passed through Karkat's head in about a second as he gently shook Dave awake, unaware that tears were welling in his eyes again.
        "Hmm...?" Dave slowly opened his eyes. He sat up as he noticed red tears in Karkat's eyes. "Karkat, what's wrong?"
        Karkat quickly wiped away the tears he hadn't noticed. "Nothing. I just... I had a nightmare." He felt bad for lying to Dave, but it was the closest thing to the truth he could manage. Besides, dying like this was a nightmare. One that had plagued him for a long time, and was finally coming true.
        Dave put his arms around Karkat. "Nightmares suck, don't they?"
        "Yeah," Karkat mumbled in agreement.
        "Do you want to tell me about it?"
        "No. Just... hold me for a while?" It wasn't unusual for Karkat to ask for that after a nightmare, if he was feeling vulnerable or if he was still half-asleep.In this case, he was wide awake. But he needed the comfort, and was grateful when Dave embraced him. He leaned in to the human's arms, afraid to close his eyes. Fortunately, it was morning anyway. There wasn't any reason for Karkat to go back to sleep yet.

        The day passed the way any other day would, with the exception of Karkat occasionally running off to the washroom to cough up increasing amounts of blood. He knew he was getting weaker and weaker. It was also getting harder to hide that something was wrong. Very wrong. Karkat could tell Dave was concerned, but he kept insisting he was fine every time the topic came up. Dave knew not to ask. Karkat was stubborn. If he wanted to avoid a subject, he would do anything he could to avoid it, and it usually worked. It worked this time as well, to Karkat's relief. He hated himself for hiding this from Dave, but he just couldn't bring himself to break the other boy's heart. Still, Karkat had broken down crying when Dave had started talking about plans for their wedding. It was still months away. Months. Karkat would probably be dead by the end of the day. That was what had hurt the most. The fact that Dave was still looking forward to a future that he wouldn't get to have. In mere hours, Dave would have to be planning for a funeral instead of a wedding. But despite the breakdown, Karkat still couldn't tell Dave what was happening.

        By nightfall, Karkat was almost too weak to stand. He played it off by saying that he was tired, which led to the pair curling up in bed together. Before laying down, Karkat had managed to discreetly put his letter on the dressr. Despite the growing pain in his chest, Karkat had eventually managed to get the coughing under control. Wrapped in his lover's arms, Karkat gave Dave the best goodbye he could manage by kissing him with every shred of sorrowful passion that he could muster. Dave kissed back just as hard. To Karkat it was a goodbye. To Dave it was just a passionate moment. All the same, Karkat lost himself in it. Every time the two separated to breathe, Karkat would repeatedly tell Dave how much he loved him until their mouths crashed together again. After a few times of that happening, Dave started doing it too, telling Karkat how much he loved him over and over. But all good things must come to an end, and the fire of passion slowly died out until the two boys were falling asleep. Karkat smiled as his eyes slowly closed. When he and Dave had first started dating, the insomnia had faded away because deep down Karkat knew that if he died in Dave's arms, at least he died happy, in the arms of the man he loved. He slept soundly. And, as he had feared for years, he didn't wake up.

        Of course Dave had been horrified to discover his lover dead in his arms in the morning. His screams and heartbroken sobs rang through the early morning air as he desperately attempted CPR, though it was pointless. Karkat had been dead for hours. Still somehow, in his heartbroken agony, Dave managed to find and read Karkat's note.

        Dear Dave,
        This is so hard to say. You have no idea how painful it is to know that by the time you're reading this, I'll be dead. I always knew my lifespan would be short, but I never imagined it would end like this. The reason why I didn't tell you is because I wanted one last day with you, without breaking your heart. I'm sorry that we won't get to get human married, or do any of the things you planned for us, but I want you to know that that is my only regret. I love you so much, and I only wish I had more time. But time is precious, so I won't waste it by spending too much time writing this letter. You already know that I love you. I love you more than anything.

        ~Karkat

        That note was the final blow that shattered Dave's soul. His sobs turning silent, he went in to the bathroom, to the medicine cabinet. His hand found the bottle of sleeping pills and opened it. Everything in the bottle went in to his hand, then in to his mouth. Having done that, the heartbroken human stumbled back in to his room, laying down beside the corpse of his former fiancé, taking the cold troll in his arms.
        "Goodnight Karkat..." he whispered tearfully. "I love you... I'll see you soon..." And with that, Dave Strider closed his eyes, taken by sleep that was quickly followed by death.