Time goes by In waves as I drift in an out. I open my eyes an I can see doctors and nurses. There are monitors beeping an things attached to me. So crazy I don't know everything that happen. I do remember where I was going . Suddenly pain rips across my chest.
The doctor approaches says few words to nurses . I close my eyes the pain is coming again an it's intense. I want to scream but I can't . Then again it comes, so much pain I scream but it comes out as a roar. Then I notice nurse near my bed and everything calms down . She put something in my iv and suddenly I'm going to sleep. I recall that night and the words she said I can't believe they both would do this to me. Pain again it comes an I wake again. This time I can hold on but it takes all of my control. I want out of here, as I go to move I notice the bandages on my arms an legs. I touch my face an my beard is thick an matted. Placing my head on my pillow I have to wonder how long has it been.
Time moves faster when your out. It's been almost a year an every day is like hell. Doctors then nurses, followed by rehab as well counclers. I've manages to walk an talk I'm down to only a few monitors now . But I'm closely watched I tried to escape a few times. Can't get far with an iv an monitors watching ur every impulse. I got most of what happen down. Even had a visitor although not who I expected my neighbor an friend Marco. He told me I hit that tree. That I'm lucky I'm alive. My house is still mine there was donations that poured in to keep bills pain an that he sorry it all happen. He showed me clips from tv reports. Watching them the pain creeps up an I look away. I call for the nurse I need something to take the edge off. Few days go by an I must see the councler again when the pain grips me. I clutch my chest an she knows I want to call nurse. I hear her say " Find your control don't rely on the medicine or you'll never stop"
Round an round same routine,for weeks but I'm much stronger an bigger then I was before. The plan is to go home tomorrow, I must continue therapy to heal physical an emotional pain. Blah blah blah I just want out.
Marco takes me home an it's like looking at a memory. The candle that burnt to the end. The faint smell in the air. The memory of the biggest mistake of made so far. In my closet I look for clothes. Nothing fits except my suit an even it's tight. Marco comes back with food an tells me all the things that he feels I need to know. I need clothes an Marco agrees to drive me an we head to the mall. After several stores I find clothes that suit me now. After a trying on shoes I get the pain again my chest hurts. I tell Marco to get them I need to step outside. Swallowing two pills I try counting to ease the the pain. I open my eyes an Marco is watching me
" You okay man " I'm not but not my head. We walk to his car an I see Michael standing in front of an ice cream shop. The pain in engulfs me my head, heart, an chest are all on fire. I face to him an with out a word I hit him . He staggers back shocked, an surprised. The roar escapes me again I swing from deep in me more force then the last it connects thru his block then the right catches him. Thru the widow he goes. Marco is pulling at me but I'm ready for this. Then her scream breaks me. " please don't hit my daddy. " Running to his side she holds his head. I don't have to heart to attack him . Now her face so innocent yet she didn't look angry only worried. It's time to go and Marco takes me home. Few hours go by as I sleep I replay that moment I barley remember moving before I hit him. I wake to a knock an Marco has brought me a salad an drinks. He tells me I made the news for breaking the window but my name was not mentioned an the owner not pressing charges. He wants to know what happen but I change the subject. Small chat then I ask about the little girl. He looks worried, but does not answer me. He says he gotta go an to make sure to go to therapy an counseling tomorrow . He leaves envelope on table with cash an support names an numbers. I pop two pills an lay back down. Tomorrow is a new day but I'm alive . It's not over it's just the beginning.
