Punch-a-tantra

Bathroom and Bridegroom

Indians and weddings - is a topic that is always trending. A girl from an Indian household knows everything about weddings because, one small mistake by a girl child can lead to an hour lecture about future in-laws from her Indian mother, aunty, granny and every female character the girl knows. It was one such day for me.

It was a Friday evening and my social media was filled with statuses and reviews of the movie released that morning. I didn't bother to read any of them as I was going to see the movie the next day (Saturday). It was a movie of a big star and the trailer of the movie made people expect great things.

We sat at our table during dinner time. My mother had made Chapathis and potato gravy. I was really hungry and as I started to tear my roti into small bits, I noticed that it was a bit hard.My mother cooks well and I was curious why the rotis were hard today. Irritated by hunger I blurted out,

" I can't even tear it apart, what have you done ma?"
"What do you expect? the flour we regularly use was over so I had to use some other store brand"
"You could have done something else then," I said.
" Can't you adjust for a day. You should learn to adjust or else you will get us (the parents) a bad name from your in-laws"

Here I will tell you the 3 pattern argument a girl has 

*1- Anything a girl says or does will have something to do with her future and in-laws*

"OK then choose popular names and change them in the Gazette," I say, sarcastically.
" Big mouth you have, I will see what you do when you become a mother, ill see what you cook, how you bring up your child and all, that day I'll remind you of all things you say now," says my mom.

*2- The argument always involves a similar scene in the future and a blackmail of how rude your mother is going to be then*

"Have your revenge if I get married, don't irritate me now and leave me at peace with my food", I say.

"What do you mean IF, you are gonna get married eventually...why did you say IF?" she asks surprised

"It's...because I don't want to get married," I say

"Oh hello...Nobody is going to ask your opinion...when we find a suitable groom, you get married that's it....and give me one reason why you don"t wanna marry?" she asks.

"I don't know...you are my mother right? Go on judge me....use your supernatural powers and find whats inside my brain.." I say and storm off to the bedroom...I still hear her speaking...."Yea, blame everything on me, I should not speak any more that's what you want right? Do whatever you want, who am I to ask?" she starts...

*3. The argument ends at this point where the mother blames herself for everything that's happening* Goes on for 84 years*

 Its the next morning, 7:00 am, I reach my friend's home at about 7:05 and we leave for the movie...it was an early morning show as every other slot was full. We enter the screen, the movie starts and during the first half of the movie all I can think of was "The theatre smells of fart". I was wondering how many of the people inside had constipation problems. Ignoring my fart thoughts I try to concentrate on the movie.....During the interval the snacks counter was empty and the line to the bathrooms was very long....My friend and I get our popcorn and make our way back to the screen...The movie resumes and this time all I can think of was, "The theatre now smells of popcorn, nachos, and samosas." The climax of the movie begins and I can't wait to get home ...why? because I had to pee. The movie is done, I race home and pee and in the process, I discover a disturbing truth, "You can't use your own bathroom after marriage"

Just think about it, no matter where you go, how rich the bathroom is, the satisfaction you get after you use your own bathroom is the best thing ever! I explain my bathroom discovery to my mom and she laughs it out saying "It will take some time but you will adapt to it."

I wondered how long it took for my mother to adapt and wondered how long it would take me! Married people tell me, Did you ever miss your own bathroom after your marriage?.

Lessons learned:-Life is gonna change and you're gonna have to live with a new groom and a new bathroom, learn to adapt. This change is inevitable unless the groom decides to move in with you!