Punch-a-tantra

Not an average situation

  In Indian mythology, there is a story that tells that Lord Muruga taught lord Shiva some stuff. It's a big story here mostly in southern parts of India. For people who don't know let me break it down for you, Muruga is the son of Lord Shiva and apparently, there was some situation where myth says that Muruga taught Shiva some lessons. Hence from that day lord, Muruga is praised for his knowledge and how he knew more stuff than his father. But why when we do the same thing no one praises or acknowledges us?

We, Indian kids, taught, teach and will be forever teaching our parents about new technologies and especially the working of WhatsApp! They are like the nerdy kid in class with never-ending doubts. Apart from WhatsApp, I taught my mother to play games. She started from talking tom and is now sending me farm heroes saga game invites on Facebook!

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, my mother was bored from talking tom and asked me to install a new game for her. I downloaded the basic temple run game.
I sat down next to her, opened the app and said,"You are this human, you will be controlling him. A monster chases him after he takes a treasure, so keep running away from the monster" I say and hand her the phone

My mom taps the screen and the game starts... The guy is running... The monster is chasing
"swipe left to turn left" correctly done by my student
‎"Swipe right to turn right" correctly done
‎"swipe up to jump" so far so good
‎"swipe down to duck" nailed it
The tutorial is over...the game begins...my mom controls the guy correctly for 20 seconds and then stops, like takes her fingers literally off the screen.
Guy hits a rock and the monster eats him.Slightly frustrated I snatch the phone from my mother and tell "watch me while I play" my mother agrees with a quizzical face.

I start to play and continue without losing for a good time before I miss a jump and fall into a pit. I give back the phone to my mom and she gives me the "I have a doubt" look.
"OK va?" I ask
" OK ...OK but that monster disappears from the screen within a few seconds LA? Then why does that guy keep running?"
I struggle to answer that question and then finally say "Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to". If it were a Hollywood movie like MIB 3 that's the dialogue I would have told but this is the reality so I open the game again and this time while I play I keep my eyes on the monster.

I run...turn left...left...jump...*monster disappears from the screen* ....turn right....jump....duck...left .....right....jump......trip over a log *monster reappears*....

" see ma, it doesn't go away....it always is behind you ..it's just to big for the screen" I say and walk away to another room without a second glance. Nah! I didn't know what was coming to me next and I let her figure it out for herself.

The above incident is nothing when compared to the awkward question she asks me next! Read on....I promise its gonna be one awkward conversation!

So One afternoon, my sister and I were watching TV in our bedroom. Our mother comes to dry the clothes on the cloth line which is just outside the room. After hanging up all the clothes mumma comes in and casually asks *not pointing to anyone, in particular, * " What is gay?"

My sister mutes the TV and says "what did you ask?"
"What is the meaning of gay?" My mother repeats.

Sister looks at me. I look at her. We both look at our mother and she looks at us!
Sister escapes saying to me, " You explain"
My mother looks at me and goes " yea yea....you read so many novels no...say ....you must know"

Point to note - Never have my mother appreciated me for reading books. All she says is that the words printed on the books are so small that I'll lose my sight reading them and how I waste money buying books.So that transition from "you'll lose your sight to I need your insight" made me happy although " I need your insight on the word gay" made it awkward.

Now I don't have any problem with people belonging to LGBT communities. What made it awkward was that my mother was a very Orthodox person and I didn't know how she would take my answer.

While all these stuff is going on. The TV is on mute. A lady with heavy makeup shows up on the TV screen and looks at me like she's waiting for me to answer. So 3 Pairs of eyes look at me intently waiting for an answer. 2 pairs of eyes in reality. One virtually, inside a box.

" When a guy shows interest in guys instead of girls....he is gay" I say arranging my words carefully like a Jenga tower.

"But isn't that basic friendship....A guy likes a guy he becomes friends with that guy na? She retorts. Jenga tower destroyed

" No like that Amma..... When a guy gets married to a guy....he is gay....get it" I say in a civilized way. Picking up my imaginary Jenga pieces.

My mother seemed satisfied with my answer.....like for a moment and then asked " then if both are guys, who will be the husband and who will be the wife? " Jenga pieces snatched away from me.

"Umm....its their wish to decide ma," I say, pickpocketing my Jenga pieces slowly. Experts would have gone away after knowing the answers to the 2 questions but my mother had other ideas.

"How will they have babies then?" She asks making me even more awkward than I already was.

" There are many ways ma....Adoption.... Surrogacy.... Etc etc.... Mostly they adopt ma" I say, confidently. Jenga tower back in full form!

Satisfied, the interviewer leaves the room and continues her chores while I celebrate my imaginary Jenga victory. Sister unmutes the TV and the makeup lady faints immediately. What a Coincidence!

"Ever had such conversation with your dad, Lord Muruga," I think and smile to myself. Seconds later I silently thank the same God for not making her ask the other question,"How did I know all these?"  

You guys wanna know how I know all these stuff "DUH! BOOKS OBVIOUSLY! Ps- The topic was never brought up again