Through Her Lives

Carnevale di Venezia

Italy

It was the time of year that brought everyone to the streets. Filling the channels with thick layers of mystery and an air of the olden world, it was the time of year that she had grown to love and look forward to. Quick to grab her mama's hand, spilling the whiskey she was nursing, she grabbed her outing coat and ran down onto the street pulling her mama along with her.

The classical Venetian music drifted through the winding, cluttered streets, snaking its way through open doors and cracks between window planes, into the very heart of the city.

It was an overload of ones senses, the smell of fresh bread being pulled out of ovens, the loud happy chattering of locals bouncing of the walls of the houses in close proximity. She ran with her mama through the crowds, down steps and onto the first gondola she saw. They set off across the green tinged water, taking in the sounds of excitement and preparation.

"Signora dove ti piacerebbe andare?" She looked at her mama, begging her with her eyes to let her say their destination. The mama smiled at her child, to see such raw happiness from her only came once a year, she always saw her daughter with sadness. Nodding her head she pulled out a bag she had just managed to grab before she was pulled out the door.

"Piazza San Marko." The little girl said, her head bobbing in excitement. She thought she knew what was to come out of the bag her ma had with her but to her surprise and intense delight she was wrong. Her ma produced an intricate silver mask, frilled with lace and white feathers, features so delicate, lips pursed knowingly and swirls of patterns coming from the eyes. It was quite unlike anything the girl had ever seen before and she could feel her heart racing and breathing quicken as she stared. It was unlike her mother to not follow tradition and use the masks they had bought when she was old enough to start participating in the festival.

"Per una ragazza così squisita solo il meglio è degno. E 'stata la tua nonnagrande-grande è." Tears of joy were brought to the girls' eyes as she took the mask from her ma's out stretched hands. The back was covered in silk and the mascherari who had made such a mask long ago seemed to have put so much love into every detail. Holding it in her hands she tried to imagine her relative wearing the mask while dancing with a handsome stranger, them running through the rain on cobblestone streets racing one another. It was unreal. She placed her hand on her mamas, no words able to express her gratitude. She embraced her family and her sober mother wondering if this was to be one of the only happy days in this life.

"Grazie." A slight smile played over her lips as she watched her mama pull out a simple mask that she had also never seen before.

"La maschera di una donna sposata." She said laughing and going pink when the gondolier looked at her smiling. She watched curiously as her ma put the mask on, instantly covering up all of her facial features. It made her look exquisite through the simpleness of the mask, hiding all the details of the face she knew. Transforming her mother into a different, sober person.

 The music had gotten louder now, pulsing through their body's as they drew closer to the square. The masked walked through the streets, some dancing lavishly to the music being played while other stood on watching and drinking. She had always liked this part of the carnival more than any other part. It was the part where nothing serious was happening, there was no judging and people stood around mixing with everyone. Her mama tugged her hand pulling her into nearby toilets and handing her a brown paper bag. They had never gotten dressed up before, it had always been a simple put on your cardboard mask and watch the people in fancy, beautiful and more often than not wacky masks walk by. This year her mama seemed to have decided it was time they got more involved and she wasn't complaining. She opened the bag curious to see what her mama had teamed with her exquisite mask.

The dress had hoops, billowing out around her from her delicately waist. The fabric was imprinted with swirls matching those  that came from her eyes on the mask. It was a golden colour and there was a matching hat to go with it. She quickly slipped out of her clothes, carefully putting the dress on, amazed that her mama had gotten her things of such beauty. She laced up her leather boots, the dress falling over them.

Her mama walked towards her, her dark brown eyes brimming with tears. She touched her cheek whispering so quietly the girl couldn't make out a word she was saying. Her face was so close she could smell a slight waft of alcohol on her mama's breath but she didn't care. The moment seemed to stretch on forever, her ma frozen there whispering but not being heard for a lifetime though it came to an end as her ma stood up smiling.

"Tu fai tutta la nostra famiglia superbi il mio cherubino." The girl straightened her shoulders, smiling, ready to take on what this new side of the carnival had to throw at her. She wanted to make her mama proud. Hand in hand they walked out of the toilets and into the thick crowd of people. She tightened her grip on her mama's hand, unwilling to let go and be swallowed by the crowd but it didn't seem to matter as they ended up in the very middle of it anyway. Surrounded by masked people from all over the world and awe struck looking tourists, they looked like the picture of perfection. A worldly mother teaching her child about the world she had grown up in. It seemed like their day would be perfect as they walked through the masses of masked faces, sitting to sip hot chocolate at a café and watch and laugh at the tourists. She felt like a grown up wearing the dress, like she could be accepted into an adult conversation despite her years. She felt her true self was coming through slightly.

She took in the architecture of the piazza from a new perspective, understanding the amount of work that had been put into the very thought of creating the arches that enclosed it. She looked down at an elderly couple, holding hands taking in the same arches she had been looking at and as they slowly turned around surveying the area for new sight she felt a jolt of fear. She froze hoping they wouldn't notice her as their eyes swept through the cafes and casually glanced at her. It was then that she remembered who she was. They would never recognise her without a mask let alone with one. Tears sprung to her eyes as she quickly excused herself from the table.

She felt that she needed to know them, to be close to them like she had been before. She ran through the crowd pushing past masks of all colours. Orange, purple, green, yellow, blue, red and gold flashed by her as she stretched on her toes unable to see through the puffy dresses and masked faces. She kept running, desperate to find them, tripping over many hems of skirts without even realising it.

She turned at every corner, never looking back as she ran in circles around the square. Vainly searching for their familiar faces, anguish rippling over her as she gave up her search, sure that they had been lost again. And they hadn't even known, that a person they had long been close to had sat nearby wondering about the same architecture they had. They walked through their daily routines of life, so close yet so far as the cliché would say.

She slowly lifted herself off the ground and trudged away from the corner she had crawled into. She felt guilt over wearing the mask of her great-great grandmamma and the dress her mama had so proudly told her to wear. She felt ashamed to have thought she could ever possibly do her family proud.

Her mama still sat at the table she had left, sipping quietly at what seemed to be her second latte. She tugged a smile over her face, though it was pointless as the mask covered her mouth anyway and greeted her mama with happiness in her voice. The smell of alcohol was more obvious.