Dear Tyler,
I don't feel infinite very often. Sometimes life can make me feel like I'm not even living, but that first night, it felt infinite.
I came over to your hotel room once the day was over, and to be honest I didn't know what was going to happen. We had spoken on Skype and I had met you, but I hadn't really met you yet. So, as I walked to your door, I stopped. Suddenly, my life felt like it relied on this moment, as if this was what it was all about. Then I knocked, and I knocked, and my heart was beating, and I knocked, and my blood was rushing, and I knocked, and my head was racing, and then everything stopped. Time stopped.
It wasn't some magical moment where our eyes met and I knew. It wasn't like I fell in love with you before I even knew you. It wasn't a movie, but it was me and it was you and Time stopped. And we talked. We talked about me, and then we talked about you, and we talked about life, and love, and oblivion, and YouTube and friends and Lady Gaga and being famous and eternity and heaven and tumblr and we talked. We were there for hours and I felt like I was stuck inside of some weird parallel world because we were talking. And I was talking, and you were listening, and I felt infinite.
I felt as though you were this other half of me that my body had been searching for. I felt as though there had always been some disconnect between me and other people but suddenly you connected to me and I didn't feel so unusual anymore. I didn't censor myself. I didn't sift through my thoughts and I didn't think before I spoke. I didn't worry that I was too feminine. I didn't worry that I was too loud or too quiet, and you didn't worry.
I never knew what it was like to feel infinite before that. When I left you that night, I could feel TIme starting again. I was suddenly pounded with the pain and the suffering of the world that I had suddenly forgotten because the world was just you and me that night, Tyler.
And we've had nights since then, but I will never forget that endless and perfect and emotional and amazing and freeing and comforting and eye-opening and infinite night.
