Dear Tyler,
Do you remember walking on the Golden Gate Bridge with me? Because I do. I remember walking side by side, with our hands brushing against each other, too afraid to touch, too afraid to feel, but still aware of the electricity shocking them like lightning. I was walking on this beautiful bridge with so much to look at, so much to think about, and all I could think about was you. Inches away from me. Inches away from my electrifying skin.
You loved San Francisco, Ty. Even an idiot could tell that. And sometimes I think I was an idiot then. The way that you walked around that city like you owned it made me realize what pride really was. You acted like it was your city. Yours only. Like only you knew about that small cafe on the corner of those two streets that made the absolute best coffee in the whole world. You acted like you, and only you, knew all the city's secrets. And maybe that was true. I guess I'll never know. But one thing's for sure, you knew all of mine. And you were definitely the only one.
It was never like that in LA. Don't get me wrong, you loved LA, and you probably still do, but it never felt magical. It never really made your eyes light up when you thought about it and it never had the electrifying touch that San Francisco did. It never inspired you to be this amazing adventurer: someone who looked at the world as if it was his to conquer. And I loved seeing you with that excitement in your body in San Francisco.
When you're with someone enough, their habits start to become yours. I learned that there.
Like the way you would fix your quiff in every mirror you saw, as if it had to be perfect every second of every day or else the day was worthless. I used to laugh when you did that. Now I do it too, and every time I think about you. And it makes me remember you.
Like the way you would laugh at every little thing I said. And every laugh that I got out of you felt like a personal victory of mine. I cherished every single one as if it was your last. I can hear your laugh so clearly it's as if you're standing right next to me right now.
Like the way you would poke fun at me whenever I did anything at all. You would say flirty things to me, and I would always respond wiht something even flirtier, but not before you found a way to embarrass me. That seemed to be your secret talent, Ty, embarrassing me. I didn't mind, though.
LIke the way you would get so immersed in everything you were doing. You gave everything your full attention, and being in that spotlight, your spotlight, is one of the most amazing feelings in the world, I quickly learned. I would give anything for that spotlight. It made me feel special. That's all I could ever want.
Like the way you shared this city with me. All of the magic that it held for you, you managed to find a way to transfer over to me. After that trip, that city felt like it was ours. It felt like that city knew all of our secrets and all of our drama, like it was a close friend.
I hope I can go back, and maybe hear some of those secrets again.
But even if I never get the chance to, I loved loving you there, Ty.
I loved loving you where you loved being loved. That was the most rewarding thing I could have ever asked for on that trip. Sure, all the sights were pretty, and you were, too.
But it was just walking up and down the strees, with you right next to me, knowing that you loved me, and I loved you. That's what made the city special.
I rememeber walking on that bridge, with Connor behind us, and the whole world ahead of us.
It's one of those moments that I wish I could just rewind to. And copy. And paste into our lives right now. Because all I want is that moment back. With the electricity and the beauty and the love. That's all I could ever ask for: you.
